Efficacy

There comes a time while performing any task when you hit a wall and realize you are no good at what you are doing.  Enough attempts have rendered the practice a known result that states that you should simply quit.  I wish I could get a certain person to appropriate this thought into her thick, remedial skull.

I won't bore with Einstein's oft-attributed quote.

Time to try a different tact. 

Odd

Going to bed late and waking up early is a bad idea typically. Doing so on a Monday is even worse. But strangely I woke up just fine and have plenty of energy this morning.

I can't say the same for the guy next to me. He is snoring and gasping. He has terrible sleep apnea and needs to get a sleep study done. I bet he is tired because he can't breathe at night. 

The look on the face of the girl next to him is priceless: a great combination of disdain and disgust. She needs to slow her row. This guy doesn't even know he has a problem I bet because he is fairly young (my guess is 30s or 40).

Wet

People ride the train when it's raining hard. I'm not talking about commuters, but instead an all-day $5 pass gets someone the equivalent of a mobile, dry, heated hotel-on-rails. 

The fact that it is packed is one thing, the smell is beyond amazing. Where are the insane perfume and cologne wearers now? Smells like intense urine and butt.

Like a portapotty exploded.

Yay Friday!!!

Rain

I'll admit it: I love the rain. I love how it sounds, how it smells, how it feels, how it keeps things so clean and green. I love the glossy shine on pavement and trees. I love the streaks in the street lamps, and the wispy dot patterns on windows.

Even in March when most people are in full-on S.A.D. Mode. 

The train is full of people on their phones. Everyone occupied with some digital domain just poking and swiping away. A quick glance shows me at least three of them are playing card games. This amuses me: years of development, millions worth of technology, and they are still playing paper-rectangle boardgames.

Same way I feel about using a computer to read a book: silly.

Edge

It's always awesome to see people not let age be a barrier when it comes to technology. There are two elderly ladies across the aisle for me, I'm going to say probably mid-80s, with tablets. 

One has an iPad mini, the other a newer Samsung Galaxy. They are sitting over there comparing speed, apps, and system specifications. It's pretty epic.

I hope I am still that together and nerdy when I am that age. 

Lady

Any transportation has this one particular woman. She is older, but her silver hair is dyed an unnatural shade of reddish brown. I know it's silver because she neglects her roots. She has a thick spackle of make up, and a dense amount of perfume.

This description just narrows the field, but  what makes her stand out is her need to talk constantly and tell you her life story. Usually this happens against your will.

Someone stop her!

Equal

I know I talk about this a lot, but it's somewhat bothersome to me. I do have some chivalry and respect in me. I wasn't raised without manners. And yes, I forget sometimes; I am human after all. 

This business where if you are a woman you get a seat and if you are a man you are socially obligated to relinquish it to a woman is horseshit. There are situations and protocols here. Being a young, fresh girl who has to stand while I sit is sometimes the way it goes. I owe you nothing.

Side note girls: super-tight show-everything yoga leggings, while fun to look at sometimes, aren't very classy in public. If they were pants they would be called pants. 

In short: 200 people can see your labia.

Secret

I secretly love the rain. Standing outside under the dry of an umbrella and watching, hearing and smelling it come down makes me instantly nostalgic. 

The whole inside of the train is fogged up with condensed exhales, and the older guy who just sat next to me almost elbowed me in the face while sitting down. Twice.

I told him, "watch it..." maybe a tad too sternly. He got real apologetic and stopped flailing so wildly.

Hands

Four trendy teenagers sitting across from each other in pairs, chatting with each other silently. They are using sign language. What strikes me about this more than ever is the sheer eye contact and interaction between them. They are invested and engaged. They aren't idly looking at a cell phone half-listening. They are intently looking at each other on a conversation. 

It's remarkable. Their "disability" has made them more respectful communicators than people their age will ever know. 

I hate to stare but am genuinely jealous of their dynamic.

Wash

Seems a few nice days and the general populace forgets how to drive and exist in the rain. 

Oh. My. God. What is this magic clear liquid from the sky?

Are you people goldfish? We just did this. 

Now... Where is my bagel! Grouse! Grouse!

Zero

Nothing is odd here.

Just some people commuting.

I want to be home.

Small

Once again I see it part like the Red Sea: woman gets on with her big SUV stroller, and people flee the disability area so she can park it on top of the wheelchair symbol on the floor. 

She is, after all, special, and has done something no other human has ever accomplished: have a baby. Let's all move aside for her.

I am going to lean against the window, close my eyes and nap for a half hour. I don't have the strength for any of this this morning.

Spice

The amount of cologne the guy standing next to me has on is debilitating. I can barely see and am having a borderline asthma attack. Can I call assault? This is a violent siege of my olfactory senses. Jesus .. For the love of.. 

This is it, this is how I die: suffocated at the hands of Old Spice. Please tell my loved ones I loved them.

My sister can have my iPhone and iPad. My dad can have my TV and computer. My mom gets anything her heart wants. My nephew gets my bed and car, and my niece gets my drums. 

To my girlfriend: she gets all my music, my shirts, my ice cream, my guitars and my camera. Tell them all....

Uugggghhhhhh.....

Speed

The train being late is one thing, being two minutes early and pulling up as I am parking my car forcing me to sprint to it is a dick move. 

I made it, but damn.

Odd mix of people on the train this morning. Lots of solemn faces and tired eyes. The lady next to me smells like flowers and anise. Huge amounts of both and my eyes are watering. Less is more, people. 

Happy Friday!!

Elbow

Packed train. An old lady with a cane was sitting next to me and had her smart phone out playing a Vegas slot game. Her arms were wide holding that phone sideways. She had jabbed my ribs several times. It hurt!

I brought my arm down to my side which dislodged her elbow from my side. She stopped playing her game and put her phone away. 

Good. You aren't special lady. Watch your surroundings.