Holidays

Yes yes we all want to get home this fine last-day before Thanksgiving, but don't all be a douche about it.

Ugh.. 30 minutes and I will be home with shoes off and food-on-plate.

Old lady next to me is sucking her teeth loudly... Every few seconds... Imma gunna sock her in mouth!

C12H22O11

There is a young mother here with her two year old in a stroller. The fact that he is in a stroller isn't my issue really, even if he is plenty old to walk, but instead what his mother is doing. This lady looks worn out.  Her son is being a bit unruly, and the mom is obviously at the end of the wick in her particular candle. In order to calm him down, she does what many moms do in this situation, and that is to shove a snack in his face.

Only what she gives him is a Pop Tart. Refined flour and a ton of sugar is not exactly what you want to give a child freaking out. Now he is chemically jazzed up as well as whatever else this little demon has wrong with him.

The lady sitting next to me is smooshing me against the window here, making it a bit hard to type. 

Sorry

The first, second and even third time you kick my bad leg you bumbling behemoth, I will accept sorry. I know you have a lot of luggage and this may or may not be the first time you have ever worn a backpack. But the fifth time, my response is going to be, "I really need you to not do that again."

The sixth time, my saying, "As long as you kick my left leg, you and me will be okay," was my subtle way of telling you that if you continue to disregard the space around you I will forget my leg pain long enough to hurt you. By the time we reach your stop I will ensure you need both a plastic surgeon and a dentist. I've a very long fuse but your inability to know where my non-moving feet are is astonishing to me.

Sorry doesn't cut it, 'bro.' 

You know for whom I feel sorry? Your girlfriend, or wife, or parents, or children, or friends, or anyone whose life you have inflicted your presence on.

Grrr bark bark grrr

Santa

This morning is very quiet, and the train is a sea of blue-brown coldness and people in the pose of mourning or prayer. That pose, though is from reading phones, tablets, books, magazines and a sudoku book.

The only standout is this one older guy in a bright red hoodie, new jeans, and converse shoes. His hair is a mercury color with streaks of white. He is totally undercover Santa.

I know what I want for Christmas, should I tell him?

No, thank you.

Getting on the commuter train during rush hour is a crapshoot for seating. Sometimes I get on and it's wide open, other times it is a cramped fully-clothed, dry hump orgy.

Today they should be playing some Marvin Gaye.

Of course I am with my cane if added support is necessary. I left it behind a few days ago and regretted it. I get on board, and for a few long seconds nobody flinches.  Then an old lady, old like you think of The Constitution as being old, told me boldly to take her seat. Before her rickety frame could get fully upright, a young lady got up and quickly offered me her seat instead.  Because hey, let the young disabled guy stand, but not grandma, right?

I've had this happen a few times and am not astonished by it. This time however was funny because I am sitting across from the old lady.  

After sitting back down, she pulled out her book, opened it where she left the dog-earred corner, and while holding the page with her thumb, looked up at me....

and winked.

Off-road

Jeep-brand stroller. Jeep-brand stroller.

I had to say this twice because I am blown away by the need for this level of off-road level of monstrosity.

That being said, next to her is a younger girl dressed all fashionably with nice boots, newer jeans, expensive jacket, nice hair, done-up make up, and a bright pink Hello Kitty fleece being used as a scarf. It is a fashion explosion. Iove it.

Lastly, there is a deaf guy standing in front of me. Normally I barely notice, but this older, burly guy has the voice of Mickey Mouse. Very high and nasally with that, "I have never heard myself speak" accent. I can hear him over my headphones and it's great. I love unique people and there is nobody like him anywhere I bet!  Yay Portland!

PS: ladies, if you are going to put on make up while on the train, don't continually elbow the person next to you who may be trying to blog about you. It's just rude.

Dumb Club

Where the train picks up there are two guys about 30 years old, and friends, standing there laughing and smoking. One turns to the other and takes a swing and just barely misses him.

Return to more laughing and just standing around. Then, one says to the other, "Come stand over here away from the kids."

They move away from the tracks over against the building and started wailing on each other. Hard full punches thrown and landing, and one particularly vicious blow finds home and one guy falls down. Dozens of onlookers just watching the brawl doing nothing: shared responsibility.

The fallen guy gets up and says, "good one, man! Hey, the train is here."

They pick up their bags and get onto the train with me. Now they are just talking and laughing again.

I am so confused!

Basic

Normally the train is a quiet group of a few hundred people sitting together in staunch silence, a reverent time of mourning the death of sleep. Very rarely does anyone look at one another let alone talk. 

Add a diamond-clear morning at 30 degrees, so dry that when you exhale, you become a god creating full-sized clouds, and now you have a lively, brisk group of people talking loudly and socially about the weather. 

Forget anyone talking about new inventions, social issues or some other topic, let's just break our unwritten vow of silence and discuss... the weather. 

More Sawdust

So someone screamed groceries on the train. Yeah they had to stop, tape off the area, add pink sawdust and spray Febreeze.

Also, the guy sitting across from me is "every FBI contact in every movie out there." He has a suit, loafers, trench coat, and even a yellow manilla envelope with undoubtedly top secret nuclear documents. He is amazing, and totally in character: unflinching straight-ahead gaze, checking his watch every other minute, and hands folded on the envelope on his lap. I want to ask what's in it, but... Is that a bulge in his jacket? Is he packing?

Nobody knows!!!

The girl next to me is giggling because she just read all that as I typed it. Haha.

Props

Today was a good morning in that I was able to get plenty of sleep, the pillow between my knees didn't vanish in the night and I woke up feeling pretty good overall five minutes before my alarm went off. 

To recap: good sleep, low pain, not startled awake.

So I tempt fate, take my physical therapists advice, and left my cane in the car today. The leg is still sore, but I am not reliant on it today, and am walking upright instead of bent in half.

I still want a seat on the train to rest it, but apparently without my cane, this barrel-chested youthful stud of a man isn't disabled enough for a little girl to move out of the disability seat. Maybe my limp wasn't convincing enough.

I sighed to myself and grabbed a pole, and then the most amazing thing happened: an older lady, with whom I had shared my story, remembered me. She noticed me wincing slightly (remember less pain isn't zero pain) and turned to the girl and said, "would you be a hero today and let my friend sit. He is in quite a bit of pain but is too proud to ask you."

To her credit, the girl moved quickly and let me sit. And today I learned why we as a society need to talk to one another. This total stranger remembered me, my condition, and cared enough to stand up for me. Faith in humanity restored a bit.

Thanks to Lena.

Aussie

The tourist from Australia is holding his box of VooDoo Doughnuts upside-down. I wonder if he is aware of the humor in that.

Nearly empty train this time of night. College students and some old folks, all on their cell phones. The old guy next to me is playing slots on his Galaxy S4 and fist pumping when he gets a win. It's cute as hell.

Envy

So in the little seats reserved for old people and cripples, like me, there are three of us sitting here. We all have canes with them two having the walmart aluminum special, and me with my gnarled Irish walking cane.  I can feel their jealousy of my amazing accoutrement just radiating from them. 

Just because you can't walk doesn't mean you can't hobble in style.

In other news, the construction guy standing about three feet in front of me has dropped his gallon of milk twice.

I am certain he will do it again and I don't think that container can take it.. I hope he waits a few more stops for the grand finale as I don't want to be coated this morning in moo juice.

Trill

Hearing two guys speak Arabic is almost musical. Lots of emotive vowels and rolled Rs, the way I might sound if someone punched me in the mouth, and I tried to recite Shakespeare.

Fairly empty train, filled with people sighing and and using their phones. Several people have received calls but not one phone "rang." A couple bleepy bloops and some dance tunes. Strange assortment.

I am hungry and in the mood for a really sticky blueberry muffin.

Redux

Tailgated by an SUV this morning, I played a bit of cat and mouse with this silly girl who drives like a total idiot.

I went straight and she turned right as we went around the same block, meeting again on the opposite corner, where I go in front of her again. 

We both turned into the park & ride where I drove down the aisle and she zipped across the parking lot diagonally racing for a spot. Again, I got there first.

She parked next to me, we both get out and she runs for the train platform. I hobble on my bad leg far behind.  I finally reach the platform just as the train pulled up, where she was waiting breathlessly stupid. 

I just smirked at her as we both got on the train. 

Fashion

One reason I really enjoy fall and Winter is the clothing. From big billowy jackets to cute laced up boots, it's far more flexible than most summer wardrobes.

Grabbed a red line train just to get out of town and head home.  Apparently morbid obesity is a disability because that's what was filling up all six seats: three people; one buttcheek per seat.

Did I make one of them move? You're damn right I did.

Bicycles

Our two-wheeled friends are out in force early today. Thankfully not a very full train this morning. There are five of them on the train. That is way too much motivation per capita this early.

Bible guy is here and reading... looks like Matthew today. Wonder what great lessons he will glean and put to good use today.

The guy next to me sounds like he is on day 3 of a cold. Just had to ask him to please cover his cough. What kind of parents did he have, I wonder...

Quiet

The Tuesday evening train is always quieter than other times. A nice calm ride home after a night of trivia. Lots of open seating, and a more blue-collar feel to it. 

Two balding guys are talking football and politics while wearing their company-branded windbreakers. A very tall Asian girl who must work at a restaurant (because she smells like the number 13), carries with her several boxes of takeout for her friends and/or family.

An old silvered couple is sitting close in their seats, holding hands and making me jealous.

And I sit here, alone in one of the disability seats. There is a acne-faced kid who looks up from his iPhone long enough to say to me, "Hey man, cool cane," and his head goes back down.

Three-day

Even the plump little baby sitting directly in front of me doesn't want to go to work. And it won't have a job for probably another 17-24 years. 

Also, it pooped itself. Which is a natural reaction to being up this early after three days away from work. I'm half tempted to so the same.

Lots

Where do all these fucking people come from?

I'm constantly lowering the bar...

Leg

Very busy morning train we have going here. Thankfully a very nice guy yielded his seat for me when I asked. Not sure if it was my cane or me biting through my bottom lip that made the convincing argument, but ultimately it was effective.

Stupid leg.

Musketeers

If one person is sick on this train right now we are all screwed. Not sure why or how so many people are on this one, but it is close quarters and smells of bad cologne and mint gum.

The guy next to me has been reading me type this and laughed saying, "yeah... Not my cologne bro." 

All for one; one for all.

Sellout

The man before me has a nice pinstripe suit. He stands with good posture and confidence. The suit fits his shoulders, has good arm length, a single break in the leg which rests on his nice black shoes. Obviously tailored... He has a light purple shirt which looks pressed. He has a tie that doesn't look like a nine year old at church tied it (a pet peeve of mine is a man who can't tie a tie.) On his wrists he has a nice stainless watch with a simple dial. 

He also has the words Love and Hate in a used-to-be-black-now-light-green shade on his hands across alternate knuckles. His ears have the lopsided remnants of large gauging pulling in like an old grandma's lips pulling in a drag on a cigarette. 

There is a spider web inked under his right ear, and under that stainless watch pokes out a sleeve of various images on his skin.

His hair has a single half-inch wide streak of blue in it. It wouldn't surprise me if he was using it to just cover the gray.

Wonder what he sees in the mirror.

Forgetfulness

Rain does strange things to people. It makes them forget the concept of assured clear distance when driving, the fact that they put off replacing their wipers and bald tires also eludes them. A spinning, twirling bumper car takes the place of another commute on the road.

But cars aren't the only ones with deadened neurons; I give you the invincible pedestrian in dark clothing who either can or cannot elude the oncoming train in the cold, wet environment. The Heisenberg principle at work here, who knows but through observation if he will canter off barely or become a statistic.

It's not like the train sneaks up on you.

Well the trains are all delayed because today's subject apparently did not quite "barely" make it past the 55 ton beast.

Yeah, it's sad.. of course, but damn it, people!!!

Eau My

So much perfume. Eyes watering again. Smells like a car crashed through a walmart perfume stand in here. Wow.

It's only Tuesday but feels like Thursday already. I vote for a new work law that states if I do five days worth of work in two I should get the rest of the week off.

Citizen Will for President.

Debate

Here is awesome: Guy gets on an outbound train asking people to sign a petition regarding the water bureau of Portland city. The trick is you had to live in-city to be on the petition.

Do you not see the problem here? All of these people, not some, are going home outside city proper. Nobody can sign it.

Back to the awesome: even though it wasn't something any of us could vote on, ten or so people launched into a discussion about the topic and we debated it from both sides for a bit. 

Nothing too passionate since none of us had a stake, but it was vigorous. Team captains were a rich old lady and an old street guy with a very dirty jacket. The guy actually was way more solid and convincing. Full marks!

Maybe that is what we need in government: forget your stake and argue logically.

Eyes and Bags

When I say. "Eyes and bags," I am not referring to those purple-gray purses slung under my baby blues this morning. I mean real eyeballs and backpacks.

The backpacks thing is silly. They don't get seats: simple. On your lap, on the ground, or slung around your back whilst you stand. Watching that old lady completely ream you for like two minutes while you cowered in shame almost made my morning. 

Which brings me to eyes. A girl got on wearing one of my favorite outfits: jeans tucked into boots. She has a pleasing form, and a fairly nice butt. Now, being morning I have no tact, manners or couth, so yeah, I was staring at it.

What I didn't know is the entire time I was looking at her profile rump, she was staring eyes locked on my eyes. When I looked up, her facial expression only made one change: her eyebrows lifted.

Busted! I know, I have a phone I can look at instead! :-)

Captive

Panhandler gets on the train, starts traveling the aisle asking for spare change. I don't appreciate the inability to walk away. So now he stands there afterwards at the front of the train looking back down the rows making eye contact with everyone who did not give him money. 

A little unnerving and hardly fair. I really don't have spare change, or any change, on me. Moreover who these days riding public transit has money, "they don't intend to use."

After this week, all this is mine.

Pariah

I've said this too many times. I could write a separate blog about this. 

Age trumps gender when it comes to seating on the train, sugar.

The only reason I have to say this again is because of your need to verbally make note of, "no gentleman willing to offer their seat."

First off: I am not a gentleman.

Secondly: You are fully capable of standing there with your paltry 19 years of life, yoga pants, and bookbag.

Lastly: Shut your mouth, girl. You flap open your lips with dribble like that you deserve replies like mine.

For the record, "Guess not, princess," was the nicest way for me to put that.