Pause

It would be interesting

if Time, 

the big one with the capital letter, 

moved forward for humans 

at a steady 

perceivable 

rate. 

Picnics and kisses 

And music: 

Tick tick tick. 

Work and taxes

And oil changes:  

Tick tick tick. 

And those few moments, 

those moments that 

you swear last 

forever:

a speech

an interview

dinner with her parents

or with your own.

Tick tick tick.

But that pause 

from your soulmate

after you say, "I love you,"

the huge swelling

inside you 

while you are waiting 

for what seems

like

lifetimes

for them to say

it

back,

and the feeling that

occurs when

they do:

In that moment, 

I am glad I don't know

clocks exist.

Friends

The Divine Secrets of the TriMet Sisterhood?

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Bus Pants?

Fried Green Ticket Fares?

Whatever you want to call it, there seems to be a collective of ladies who ride the train every day. They start as two and each stop seems to add a lady. They are chatting and laughing way too bubbly-like for this time of morning.

Makes me wonder if they are actually going anywhere, or if at a certain point they all get off, have brunch, and then so it in reverse.

Portland Train Brunch Club.

Short

I caught a train at a station much closer to work. I just love the "Park & Ride" ability. Picked up a red line train, which originates only one stop before, which means nearly nobody is on this bad boy.

Who is, you ask? Well some crazy-cat lady in her homemade knit sweater, who took the good seat, is watching her tablet. 

And someone has coffee somewhere. Likely without a lid. It's turning my stomach because the smell is pretty nasty.

There is a sick kid at the far end of the train. Probably two years old, with curly blonde hair and pink cheeks... coughing its brains out. Not into a sleeve or hand either, mind you, just open mouth gurgle-coughing.  Granted the kid is all the way at the other end of the train but... Still makes me paranoid a little.

Invasive

I had a really long rant about a guy here on the train, but decided it was really insensitive and mildly offensive. Maybe he can't help his body's odor problem, but man what I wrote was kinda harsh. 

Even for me.

Don't get me wrong, it's pretty bad. But I will just hold my tongue as well as my nose. I just need to get home and relax. 

Tomorrow is the amazing start of something wonderful.

Rounds

To sum up: 

Homeless guy to my left keeps pulling beer out of his bag and trying to subtley drink it and stuff it back in his bag. He makes such a production about the retrieval, sip and hiding of the bottle that everyone knows he's doing it and nobody cares. And he has bad taste in beer.

Girl to my right is standing, probably 5'2" and 95 lbs. skinny little thing in her yoga/long johns underwear. Leaving nothing to the imagination, but she has a rather large dog with her so she has a wide berth. Cute dog, though, with a pink bow on the collar.

Guy across from me looks like Brian Grant from Trailblazers of yore. Probably 6'10" -ish, his head is almost touching the roof. Tall people are calming to me for some reason.

Guy next to him is a creepy large guy in one of those black cholo shirts with flames on it. He's staring lasers at the dog-girl's crotch. It's pretty creepy. His buddy just nudged him and said to look at something else. Awkward!

Song

The argument of two guys at the platform this morning contained mostly the word, "fuck." I would say they were likely 20 or 21and were fighting about a girl. 

Not over or for, but about. 

All I heard as I walked by was, "I wasn't abusing her. Now that you are how Passion treated Skye you can see I was only defending myself." It was pretty pathetic, and the dialog they were using was like a terrible soap opera.

"You are only pointing the shitty end of the stick at me without hearing my second side of the story."

Oh lord, get me the boxed wine and microwave popcorn.

A train finally showed up and rescued me only to sit me next to an old Native American guy who also happened to be a TSA agent. He was moaning the songs of his people under his breathe for two stops before I remembered I have my headphones. 

Now the calming sounds of my own music are oozing into my head: much better.

Is it Friday yet?

Jeans

Everyone is wearing exceptionally tight jeans today. It's a little strange. I didn't get the memo, so you cannot see my genetalia. 

I am going to go home now and work on some music. I posed a challenge to a friend and need to hold up my end of the bargain. Progressions are already bouncing around in my head.

Not sure how I will get through this coming week, but it had better go quickly. There is a wonderful present on the end of it that had my heart going a million miles per hour. 

Obsession

Most people I know have an obsession. Something they really like that can make it easy to get "thinking of you gifts" for them while you are out and about.

It can be anything really: dragonflies, turtles, lighthouses, skulls, the color green, unicorns, or smiley faces. We all know that people have a defined thing they get pigeoned-holed into. 

I don't see this as a bad thing. What is odd is that I realize that I don't collect anything. I do love the color orange, but I also love blue and black. I seem to have more sweeping themes. For instance, while I know I could buy my neighbor "Scorpions" anything, I like music so there are a lot of bands I like a lot. It feels a little odd to not have that one thing that I simply know everything about and makes me happy. I am grateful to have sweeping likes, but it might be fun to own a lot of one themed item. If only I knew what it was.

This rant brought to you by the girl on the train in the Hello Kitty shoes, yoga pants, shirt, purse, hat and iPhone case.

Haze

I woke up late, dazed and confused with my alarm having gone off for 36 minutes. I didn't get good sleep at all and pretty much woke up swearing. I almost said screw it and went back to sleep, but I should keep my PTO for something more fun.

Everyone on the train looks weird today. Like the casting director for this episode of my life should be fired. Strange list of characters here: buff freckles guy in a white tank top, backpack and dress shoes; an overweight punk rocker who smells like vanilla cookies, and a well-dressed-but-overly-nervous Indian businessman. 

The most odd is this weird heroin chic couple who both look like they collectively rolled out of bed. Rail thin, tattoos, pink and purple sweats and hoodies... Holding on to each other like they are saying goodbye forever. His arm on her lower back is so tightly pulling her in that her willowy frame is folding inward like a bendy straw, and her head is buried in his tiny bird chest. I'm not sure if it's supposed to look like a Calvin Klein commercial, but it does. 

Early

I normally hit the 6:21 train, and while it's a bit busy, seats are readily available. I normally am surprised how busy it is given the time.

Today I could barely stay asleep, I woke up early, didn't hit snooze, and got out of bed way early. I slowly got ready, and caught the 6:08 train instead. 

Blown. Away.

This train is more packed. It's unbelievable this many people get up so early. I mean, doesn't anyone sleep anymore? This is obscene. 

Laugh

There is a guy watching something really funny on his phone. I only know it's funny because he is randomly erupting into belly laughs. Loud, boisterous knee-slappers.

I have heard that when someone laughs, they make the people around them feel better. This makes it so stand-up comedians turn their audience into a kind of group therapy.  Food for thought there.

The lady next to me apparently is being stalked by someone who won't stop calling. She doesn't want to decline the call because the person will know she is actively avoiding them.  So she let's the call roll to voicemail after a six or eight play-throughs of her digital bubbling ringtone.

We have all done this.

Where she gets irritating is that her phone ringer is on and turned up. This means her phone is just ringing and ringing and ringing. I think my last glare may have worked as it hasn't rang out loud since.

Or perhaps the caller gave up for now, satisfied that she is just not available.

Light

The early morning dawn is throwing me off. I woke up this morning on time, but since the light was already coming in through my blinds, I thought it was later and panicked thinking I slept in again.

I've a problem getting up lately. Work isn't really worth getting up for these days. It's frustrating.

It must be a good perk of living near the equator that the day length doesn't change quite as much. That.. And the nicer weather and stuff.

End

If you are not actively pursuing your dreams and enjoying life, then I feel you are putting yourself in a sort of virtual hospice simply waiting to die.

Doing the same thing over and over never seeking to improve or change is insane if you aren't already living a happy life. Life is a journey: if you aren't where you want to be, you aren't there yet. Don't just stop and accept this as they are.

It's a strange sort of thing. 

Fire

Hey you, mother of a very sick toddler, why not stay home or use a car instead of bringing your coughing, gurgling, snotty kid on a full train of people who do not want to get sick. 

Seriously, lady. Your kid is openly coughing vertically from her chair into the air. From across the train I can see the virulent mist cloud rise from your little baby's lungs and hover and dissipate.

The baby didn't drive to the train station and choose to ride the train. And she is too young to know how to cover her cough. She is just a cute little innocent Patient Zero.

You, however, do know better. Therefore you are who I want to neck punch right now.

Fear

Another reason I don't mind riding the train are all the scary people on the road doing things they shouldn't. I only have a half-mile trip to the nearby park-n-ride, but in that short trip I saw: a person texting, a person eating a breakfast sandwich, and a woman putting Visine in her eyes while driving.

These people don't go away when I am on a train. They are still there, and will occasionally get hit by trains. But this vehicle weighs about 55 tons. I feel far safer against the likes of them while I am in it.

Does this make me, "part of the solution?"

Envy

Sitting on the train heading home, I left 30 minutes early because I am trying to avoid the May Day parade downtown that starts at 4pm. It's for a good cause, but disrupts the trains since the parade crosses the tracks in four places.

It's a great day out there. Going to get home, work on a project, drink a beer, and call my girl. I'm in a surprisingly good mood. Which is a big turnaround from this morning.

I know it will go back to overcast and rain this weekend, so I'm going to enjoy the hell out of today while I can.

Chatter

It's too early to sit between six people all catching up with each other. This guy played soccer, that gal went to her kid's play, this lady is having surgery tomorrow on her foot, that guy is bringing store-bought cookies to a potluck (lame).

Wow. You people lead awesome lives! Why isn't there some updating website or TV show on Discovery where I can follow all the wacky happenings that goes on! What season of Train Diaries is this? Please don't spoil for me what wrinkleface there is planing to read next week. I want to be surprised!

Also: I may or may not be real irritable. Going to snag a banana and some coffee this morning. It must be hangry. The woman next to me is resting her (fake!) Gucci purse on my arm and I am daydreaming about force feeding to her.