Again

When I am running late for work, the train dynamic is far different. Once again the train is filled with Indians heading in late. For some reason, no matter what the business, they like to show up at 9:00am or later. So much curry.

After a solid weekend and a good night sleep, I feel good and am giving zero fucks today. This is the point where I own Monday. 

Green

An older hippie looking guy is sitting in front of me with his long gray ponytail, black tshirt and tan linen cargo shorts. He looks like a normal guy if he wasn't sixty years old with a large white santa claus beard.

On his feet are Teva sandals with his old malshapen toes sticking out. What makes them unique are his sparkly bright green toenails. He has no visible piercings or tattoos, so this must be his way of being a rebel today.

Looking over his shoulder, he seems to be listening to NPR. 

Rote

This has been an autopilot kind of morning. From breakfast to shower to the train ride, I just consciously noticed where I am and what I am doing. I am so out of it.

Listening to a podcast now and watching some girl making a dragon toy out of green felt.  Next to her is an elderly Indian woman in a long yellow and green dress with gold accents. 

I noticed three things right away about this other lady: her large gold nose ring, the fact that she is very petite, and that she may be complete insane. She is having a conversation with the empty chair in front of her, randomly combing her hair vigorously, and has a goofy grin on her face. 

I need coffee.

Sammich

Today I realized that I very much hate the smell of mustard. A guy and his girlfriend are eating a bologna sandwich oozing with yellow funky spread.

Vomit-inducing...

And of course he chews with his mouth open like a neanderthal, so the schlorpy sound makes for a fantastic soundtrack.

Return

Two weeks working from home meant no traveling. Back at it now, and I had forgotten the smells. Can one be downwind inside a train? There is an older gentleman in full spandex who is an avid cyclist. I know this because his funk is wafting in this direction and my eyes are crossing.

Why do people not know how to wash their workout clothes?

Sparse

Working from home a lot since the train has been under construction for a few days. I came downtown this evening on it and there aren't many people. 

A few folks listening to headphones, one gal on her laptop doing homework, and a very pierced lady with great tattoos is sitting fring in front of me and looking at me from time to time.

She seems very nice, and I probably should smile or talk to her, but my "Resting Bitch Face" has become my comfort blanket.

May just play some card game for a while. I really don't have time to talk to new people. 

Dirt

Busy train, standing room only, and two available seats. I look at them and they seem fine. I look on the floor in front of them and see a smudge of brown matter. I won't lie: it looks like shit. But it is mud. Shit doesn't dry like that. People are too freaked out by stupid stuff. 

So I have a seat, which is good. Then an older professor-type got on and splatted into the seat next to me. His shirt should be illegal. Plaid, button-down, short-sleeve shirts with khakis are an old man's casual Friday costume. Oh my god! I see your forearms! You cad! Eek! Controversy!

Also: you want to piss 100 people off at once, have your klaxxon alarm go off on a quiet morning commute. 

Buzz

The overhead fan for air circulation is loudly vibrating. The pitch is at a frequency I can feel in my eyeballs.

Most people on the train are wearing blue. From the lady next to me in blue heels, a blue dress, blue jewelry, and blue prescription glasses, to the one across the way whose bright smurfy hair matches her backpack, there are a lot of people in blue today.

The guys standing next to me is wearing a work badge. He is pretty young and his name is Chandler. I guarantee his mom was a fan of the tv show Friends.

Mirror

I wonder if people really know what they look like. Cameras are woefully inaccurate. I know this because I have seen pictures of people I know and it doesn't capture them at all.  Mirrors in the bathroom are bad because they are flipped. We don't look like that. There is no good way to see yourself the way others see you, and that fills me with wonder.

This came after I caught my reflection in a reflection and didn't immediately recognize myself.

Happy

Pretty crowded train, but I got a seat next to a sweet old lady reading her bible.  We just sat there for a bit with me lost in some music.  Every now and then a soft bump on my arm, which I assume is her turning a page.  I hear her talking, so I turn down my music to see if she's speaking to me.

Nope!

She is talking to her book. Becoming exasperated by whatever she is reading, and crosses herself.  Each time she does the 'father, son and holy spirit' gesture, the last part is where her elbow nudges me.  She's very, very into it.  But she is also very, very old, so she can do what she wants at this point. 

Stillness

A breaking heart makes a sound. It's one that is quiet to everyone else, but the sound resonates loudly, echoing up from your chest into your head. It is at the same time piercing and rumbling. Others can see it in your eyes, and the gentle slope of the shoulders. To you it drowns out all other stimuli. The world looks, sounds, feels, and tastes gray.

I look around the train and realize that i am not the only person who has demons that walk with me, but for whatever reason we all sit in quiet pain; putting on a strong face for everyone. Some people just live and die one regret at a time. 

Skinny

Everyone on my end of the train is petite. I feel like a giant. Lots of room in the seat and nobody bumping into me.  Feels good. Too bad it's a red line and only gets me halfway home. 

Life being a series of average, the blue line that will swing by an pick me up I bet will be jam-packed. I bet you. 

Mondays and all that.

Screaming

The kids are screaming. Three of them. All very upset that they are up so early. They are on the outside what we all are on the inside. I don't know what age one has to be to go from acceptable screaming to crazy person. But we should bump the age from four to 70. 

Mondays usually are terrible, but I got good sleep, woke up energized, and feel pretty damn good. Hope nobody punches me for being positive today.

Woe

Headphones are at work, so I have to be aware of my surroundings today. Boo. And there are a few new good podcasts available today I wanted to hear.

The gal next to me is doing homework, and as she writes with her pen, her elbow slowly digs into my ribs, then releases to the next line. She is a human typewriter and just now realized it and apologized. 

Across from me is a hipster wearing skinny jeans, a caramel-colored disco-era jacket, and foppish blonde bangs hanging in his eyes. He seems to have a malfunctioning tablet of sorts. Every few moments he flips shut the case and thwaps it a few times with his palm. With my headphones I wouldn't notice, but in this case it is heartily annoying. I may offer to fix it for him permanently.

Shorts

It is warm outside. About 85, and pretty dry. There are more jackets than shorts on this train. Then again, everyone here probably got up early when it was chilly.

The girl standing next to me has booty shorts on that leave nothing to the imagination. She did not wake up early today. But you know what? That is just fine. I see nothing wrong at all.

Mond...

I am a very tired, sore lobster. Could use a half-hour in the hot tub and an hour on a massage table. 

Variety of awake and asleep people this early Monday. The guy next to me is humming to himself and having a spirited conversation with his reflection in the window. 

Think coffee is in my future.

Silence

Was listening to a song I really enjoy just a bit ago. On the other hand, saying I enjoy it may be a bit strong wording. Let's say the song is important to me and my past.

That being said, it must have ended a solid ten minutes ago. I don't remember it ending. I have sat in silence staring out the window for a while now. I have these stupid little uncomfortable, plastic, white headphones stuffed in my ears like wired ear plugs making no sounds. 

Shaken from my reverie I can say a few things with certainty: I am glad tomorrow is friday, I am happy it'll be payday, and I am never dating again. 

Door

Sitting at one of the stops, my view out the window shows me a building. It is a newer office building made with large, pale cream bricks.

On the front are both a regular door and a revolving door. Sitting and watching, a rather odd pattern emerged: women used the regular door, and men went through the revolving one.  

One pair was talking as they approached the building. They split up, with her opening a door and him spinning into the place, then reconvening their conversation on the other side.

A woman came from the right, walked past the revolving door (out of her way) to use the regular door to enter.

In all, while waiting, 4 men and 6 women entered this building and every one followed this pattern. I don't know what to make of it.

Right

There are no interesting people here.

Just wanting to be home.

Fin.

Penguin

If you are an idiot criminal who skateboards from crime to crime, you may want to pull up your pants. You got caught because you couldn't waddle fast enough and fell down. I will admit it was profoundly funny for me. Thank you.

Also, a very animated quiet conversation just happened between me and an elderly lady. I have headphones in so it was all pantomimed. I was trying to give my seat up to her, and she refused with a large thank you. Smiles abound.

Nice people on this here train so far. Weird.

Options

A lost traveler tentatively boarded the train and looked around. This may or may not be the first train he has been on. I am guessing he is about 34, balding, and wide-eyed. He has a small town wonderment about him, so I was a little annoyed when people wouldn't answer his simple questions about stops.  

I helped him which took no time, and then went back to hating the asshole next to me who is a combination of Captain Axe Bodyspray, Mr. Elbows, and Sir Rude public phone conversation. 

Fresh

Quiet and nearly nobody on the train. Just me and my music, closing my eyes, and losing myself in my thoughts. 

Well, until a random dude got on and sat next to me. Lots of seats and he picked this one. He is quite ripe. My eyes are watering. I have a hard time blaming him, because I am certain he would bathe given an opportunity. Its clearly been weeks.  

Impromptu

A loud meeting of indian workers just broke out on the train. One of them had an idea, then some spring-boarding, when suddenly dry-erase markers were out flying, and they are doodling on the train window. 

I bet they will remember this moment as "the spark" and tell the origin story for years if this works.

For everyone else, we are annoyed and wish they could, "table it," and "talk about it offline, later."

Fear

It is easy to recognize someone who is afraid of silence. They are the ones who talk so much they don't seem to require oxygen. What comes out is an unending stream of disconnected thought-vomit. 

The timbre of this lady's voice is like nails on the chalkboard, and she has been at it non-stop since we were waiting on the platform, and for the last six stops. I know about her work and a crazy coworker. 

"And I says to her.."

Thankfully I remembered my headphones, now all I see is her mouth moving and hands flailing. 

Needles

So in addition to blogging about my travels, a coworker thinks that crochet would be a good idle transit activity for me. My ride home has two with yarn and one doing needlepoint.

Crafty wackos, it would seem, inhabit this train. Maybe we start our own commune and farm. Who has a guitar!?

Holes

Not sure if it is something like a spring break hangover, or if people are having a lie-in to enjoy the warm spring weather, but there are very few people on this train.  

Well until a 400 lb dude just sat down next to me. He is covered in grease and smells like cigarettes. I am being smooshed against the window. Strange what a difference one stop can make.

Fuuuuuuuu

Manners

You don't have to be Emily Post when in public, but common courtesy goes a long way.  I meet people daily that make me want to slap their parents.

It's really quite easy: Hold doors, say thank you, don't cut in lines, share, don't stare, assist someone in need, turn the other cheek, turn down your music, pull up your pants, chew with your mouth shut, smoke downwind, don't litter, cover your cough, silence your phone and your bad language, apologize, mind your bags, limit your perfume, don't spit, and for crying out loud be nice to people.

Who raised you anyways?

Yawn

Tha lady next to me has been balling up purple yarn the whole time I have been here.  She is methodical and exacting in her winding. It's hypnotic. 

So happy it is Friday. Need a zen weekend since it has been pretty hectic week.

And now this wacko just got on and he is talking loudly on his phone. He is carrying a bag of candy on his wrist. Clearly thinks he is the only person on this train.

Oh great, now he turned on speaker phone so he could check Facebook while talking. His douchiness knows no bounds.

Bags

Did you know that bags are people, too? They get really tired and sometimes need to rest. This is the only conclusion I can come to seeing a relatively full train and two people with their bags on the seat next to them.

Those poor bags. 

Also, the guy sitting in front of me has an advanced math book open on his lap. He isn't looking at it, but instead looking around to see who might be actively noticing a smart guy in-progress. 

Check me out, ladies. Integrals. Makes you hot, doesn't it?

Justified

There is an unspoken rule that the people who have waited at the train platform longest board first. They waited and should get first crack at a seat. 

I was standing waiting for the train (along with lots of other people) for a while and eventually I saw it coming. Just as it pulled in, this tiny little Asian lady approximately my age came running down the edge of the platform, cutting in front of dozens of people. I turned towards the train, my frame blocking her from getting around me, and she started yelling, "Excuse me! Excuse me!" in a thick accent trying to shove around me. 

I didn't budge, the door opened, and got on with her muttering under her breath behind me. She couldn't see the smile on my face.

Sun

When the weather is nice, there seems to be a lot more riders. This seems counter-intuitive to me since I much more want to drive on a nice day.

Also doesn't help that TriMet doesn't seem to be on the ball today. No reason to be; only a few thousand people want to get home. 

Pretty packed with a lot of odd ones. A young guy from India with a large mole on his nose just snaked a seat from an old lady and caught an earful. 

And there is a guy with a "SS" and swastika tattooed on the back of his head. That seems like an infinitely regrettable decision. Actually his entire face is inked, too. His parents sucked.

Resurrection

I suppose just after Easter is appropriate for me to start doing this again. Back by popular demand: me ranting unintelligible things!

It may be the economy or just population, but there are so many people on the train these days. Any time of day it's packed with all sorts of fun degenerates. For instance, my phone just got hip checked out of my hands by someone's ass being wielded with carelessness.  They didn't even feel it and kept walking. 

As usual, the smell in here is coffee and Axe body spray, and everyone is glued to their phone or ipad.  

More later when I wake up. Thirty people just got on, and I am smooshed. Send help!