Mirror

I wonder if people really know what they look like. Cameras are woefully inaccurate. I know this because I have seen pictures of people I know and it doesn't capture them at all.  Mirrors in the bathroom are bad because they are flipped. We don't look like that. There is no good way to see yourself the way others see you, and that fills me with wonder.

This came after I caught my reflection in a reflection and didn't immediately recognize myself.

Happy

Pretty crowded train, but I got a seat next to a sweet old lady reading her bible.  We just sat there for a bit with me lost in some music.  Every now and then a soft bump on my arm, which I assume is her turning a page.  I hear her talking, so I turn down my music to see if she's speaking to me.

Nope!

She is talking to her book. Becoming exasperated by whatever she is reading, and crosses herself.  Each time she does the 'father, son and holy spirit' gesture, the last part is where her elbow nudges me.  She's very, very into it.  But she is also very, very old, so she can do what she wants at this point. 

Stillness

A breaking heart makes a sound. It's one that is quiet to everyone else, but the sound resonates loudly, echoing up from your chest into your head. It is at the same time piercing and rumbling. Others can see it in your eyes, and the gentle slope of the shoulders. To you it drowns out all other stimuli. The world looks, sounds, feels, and tastes gray.

I look around the train and realize that i am not the only person who has demons that walk with me, but for whatever reason we all sit in quiet pain; putting on a strong face for everyone. Some people just live and die one regret at a time. 

Skinny

Everyone on my end of the train is petite. I feel like a giant. Lots of room in the seat and nobody bumping into me.  Feels good. Too bad it's a red line and only gets me halfway home. 

Life being a series of average, the blue line that will swing by an pick me up I bet will be jam-packed. I bet you. 

Mondays and all that.

Screaming

The kids are screaming. Three of them. All very upset that they are up so early. They are on the outside what we all are on the inside. I don't know what age one has to be to go from acceptable screaming to crazy person. But we should bump the age from four to 70. 

Mondays usually are terrible, but I got good sleep, woke up energized, and feel pretty damn good. Hope nobody punches me for being positive today.

Woe

Headphones are at work, so I have to be aware of my surroundings today. Boo. And there are a few new good podcasts available today I wanted to hear.

The gal next to me is doing homework, and as she writes with her pen, her elbow slowly digs into my ribs, then releases to the next line. She is a human typewriter and just now realized it and apologized. 

Across from me is a hipster wearing skinny jeans, a caramel-colored disco-era jacket, and foppish blonde bangs hanging in his eyes. He seems to have a malfunctioning tablet of sorts. Every few moments he flips shut the case and thwaps it a few times with his palm. With my headphones I wouldn't notice, but in this case it is heartily annoying. I may offer to fix it for him permanently.

Shorts

It is warm outside. About 85, and pretty dry. There are more jackets than shorts on this train. Then again, everyone here probably got up early when it was chilly.

The girl standing next to me has booty shorts on that leave nothing to the imagination. She did not wake up early today. But you know what? That is just fine. I see nothing wrong at all.

Mond...

I am a very tired, sore lobster. Could use a half-hour in the hot tub and an hour on a massage table. 

Variety of awake and asleep people this early Monday. The guy next to me is humming to himself and having a spirited conversation with his reflection in the window. 

Think coffee is in my future.

Silence

Was listening to a song I really enjoy just a bit ago. On the other hand, saying I enjoy it may be a bit strong wording. Let's say the song is important to me and my past.

That being said, it must have ended a solid ten minutes ago. I don't remember it ending. I have sat in silence staring out the window for a while now. I have these stupid little uncomfortable, plastic, white headphones stuffed in my ears like wired ear plugs making no sounds. 

Shaken from my reverie I can say a few things with certainty: I am glad tomorrow is friday, I am happy it'll be payday, and I am never dating again. 

Door

Sitting at one of the stops, my view out the window shows me a building. It is a newer office building made with large, pale cream bricks.

On the front are both a regular door and a revolving door. Sitting and watching, a rather odd pattern emerged: women used the regular door, and men went through the revolving one.  

One pair was talking as they approached the building. They split up, with her opening a door and him spinning into the place, then reconvening their conversation on the other side.

A woman came from the right, walked past the revolving door (out of her way) to use the regular door to enter.

In all, while waiting, 4 men and 6 women entered this building and every one followed this pattern. I don't know what to make of it.

Right

There are no interesting people here.

Just wanting to be home.

Fin.

Penguin

If you are an idiot criminal who skateboards from crime to crime, you may want to pull up your pants. You got caught because you couldn't waddle fast enough and fell down. I will admit it was profoundly funny for me. Thank you.

Also, a very animated quiet conversation just happened between me and an elderly lady. I have headphones in so it was all pantomimed. I was trying to give my seat up to her, and she refused with a large thank you. Smiles abound.

Nice people on this here train so far. Weird.

Options

A lost traveler tentatively boarded the train and looked around. This may or may not be the first train he has been on. I am guessing he is about 34, balding, and wide-eyed. He has a small town wonderment about him, so I was a little annoyed when people wouldn't answer his simple questions about stops.  

I helped him which took no time, and then went back to hating the asshole next to me who is a combination of Captain Axe Bodyspray, Mr. Elbows, and Sir Rude public phone conversation. 

Fresh

Quiet and nearly nobody on the train. Just me and my music, closing my eyes, and losing myself in my thoughts. 

Well, until a random dude got on and sat next to me. Lots of seats and he picked this one. He is quite ripe. My eyes are watering. I have a hard time blaming him, because I am certain he would bathe given an opportunity. Its clearly been weeks.  

Impromptu

A loud meeting of indian workers just broke out on the train. One of them had an idea, then some spring-boarding, when suddenly dry-erase markers were out flying, and they are doodling on the train window. 

I bet they will remember this moment as "the spark" and tell the origin story for years if this works.

For everyone else, we are annoyed and wish they could, "table it," and "talk about it offline, later."

Fear

It is easy to recognize someone who is afraid of silence. They are the ones who talk so much they don't seem to require oxygen. What comes out is an unending stream of disconnected thought-vomit. 

The timbre of this lady's voice is like nails on the chalkboard, and she has been at it non-stop since we were waiting on the platform, and for the last six stops. I know about her work and a crazy coworker. 

"And I says to her.."

Thankfully I remembered my headphones, now all I see is her mouth moving and hands flailing. 

Needles

So in addition to blogging about my travels, a coworker thinks that crochet would be a good idle transit activity for me. My ride home has two with yarn and one doing needlepoint.

Crafty wackos, it would seem, inhabit this train. Maybe we start our own commune and farm. Who has a guitar!?

Holes

Not sure if it is something like a spring break hangover, or if people are having a lie-in to enjoy the warm spring weather, but there are very few people on this train.  

Well until a 400 lb dude just sat down next to me. He is covered in grease and smells like cigarettes. I am being smooshed against the window. Strange what a difference one stop can make.

Fuuuuuuuu

Manners

You don't have to be Emily Post when in public, but common courtesy goes a long way.  I meet people daily that make me want to slap their parents.

It's really quite easy: Hold doors, say thank you, don't cut in lines, share, don't stare, assist someone in need, turn the other cheek, turn down your music, pull up your pants, chew with your mouth shut, smoke downwind, don't litter, cover your cough, silence your phone and your bad language, apologize, mind your bags, limit your perfume, don't spit, and for crying out loud be nice to people.

Who raised you anyways?

Yawn

Tha lady next to me has been balling up purple yarn the whole time I have been here.  She is methodical and exacting in her winding. It's hypnotic. 

So happy it is Friday. Need a zen weekend since it has been pretty hectic week.

And now this wacko just got on and he is talking loudly on his phone. He is carrying a bag of candy on his wrist. Clearly thinks he is the only person on this train.

Oh great, now he turned on speaker phone so he could check Facebook while talking. His douchiness knows no bounds.