Efficacy

There comes a time while performing any task when you hit a wall and realize you are no good at what you are doing.  Enough attempts have rendered the practice a known result that states that you should simply quit.  I wish I could get a certain person to appropriate this thought into her thick, remedial skull.

I won't bore with Einstein's oft-attributed quote.

Time to try a different tact. 

Odd

Going to bed late and waking up early is a bad idea typically. Doing so on a Monday is even worse. But strangely I woke up just fine and have plenty of energy this morning.

I can't say the same for the guy next to me. He is snoring and gasping. He has terrible sleep apnea and needs to get a sleep study done. I bet he is tired because he can't breathe at night. 

The look on the face of the girl next to him is priceless: a great combination of disdain and disgust. She needs to slow her row. This guy doesn't even know he has a problem I bet because he is fairly young (my guess is 30s or 40).

Wet

People ride the train when it's raining hard. I'm not talking about commuters, but instead an all-day $5 pass gets someone the equivalent of a mobile, dry, heated hotel-on-rails. 

The fact that it is packed is one thing, the smell is beyond amazing. Where are the insane perfume and cologne wearers now? Smells like intense urine and butt.

Like a portapotty exploded.

Yay Friday!!!

Rain

I'll admit it: I love the rain. I love how it sounds, how it smells, how it feels, how it keeps things so clean and green. I love the glossy shine on pavement and trees. I love the streaks in the street lamps, and the wispy dot patterns on windows.

Even in March when most people are in full-on S.A.D. Mode. 

The train is full of people on their phones. Everyone occupied with some digital domain just poking and swiping away. A quick glance shows me at least three of them are playing card games. This amuses me: years of development, millions worth of technology, and they are still playing paper-rectangle boardgames.

Same way I feel about using a computer to read a book: silly.

Edge

It's always awesome to see people not let age be a barrier when it comes to technology. There are two elderly ladies across the aisle for me, I'm going to say probably mid-80s, with tablets. 

One has an iPad mini, the other a newer Samsung Galaxy. They are sitting over there comparing speed, apps, and system specifications. It's pretty epic.

I hope I am still that together and nerdy when I am that age. 

Lady

Any transportation has this one particular woman. She is older, but her silver hair is dyed an unnatural shade of reddish brown. I know it's silver because she neglects her roots. She has a thick spackle of make up, and a dense amount of perfume.

This description just narrows the field, but  what makes her stand out is her need to talk constantly and tell you her life story. Usually this happens against your will.

Someone stop her!

Equal

I know I talk about this a lot, but it's somewhat bothersome to me. I do have some chivalry and respect in me. I wasn't raised without manners. And yes, I forget sometimes; I am human after all. 

This business where if you are a woman you get a seat and if you are a man you are socially obligated to relinquish it to a woman is horseshit. There are situations and protocols here. Being a young, fresh girl who has to stand while I sit is sometimes the way it goes. I owe you nothing.

Side note girls: super-tight show-everything yoga leggings, while fun to look at sometimes, aren't very classy in public. If they were pants they would be called pants. 

In short: 200 people can see your labia.

Secret

I secretly love the rain. Standing outside under the dry of an umbrella and watching, hearing and smelling it come down makes me instantly nostalgic. 

The whole inside of the train is fogged up with condensed exhales, and the older guy who just sat next to me almost elbowed me in the face while sitting down. Twice.

I told him, "watch it..." maybe a tad too sternly. He got real apologetic and stopped flailing so wildly.

Hands

Four trendy teenagers sitting across from each other in pairs, chatting with each other silently. They are using sign language. What strikes me about this more than ever is the sheer eye contact and interaction between them. They are invested and engaged. They aren't idly looking at a cell phone half-listening. They are intently looking at each other on a conversation. 

It's remarkable. Their "disability" has made them more respectful communicators than people their age will ever know. 

I hate to stare but am genuinely jealous of their dynamic.

Wash

Seems a few nice days and the general populace forgets how to drive and exist in the rain. 

Oh. My. God. What is this magic clear liquid from the sky?

Are you people goldfish? We just did this. 

Now... Where is my bagel! Grouse! Grouse!

Zero

Nothing is odd here.

Just some people commuting.

I want to be home.

Small

Once again I see it part like the Red Sea: woman gets on with her big SUV stroller, and people flee the disability area so she can park it on top of the wheelchair symbol on the floor. 

She is, after all, special, and has done something no other human has ever accomplished: have a baby. Let's all move aside for her.

I am going to lean against the window, close my eyes and nap for a half hour. I don't have the strength for any of this this morning.

Spice

The amount of cologne the guy standing next to me has on is debilitating. I can barely see and am having a borderline asthma attack. Can I call assault? This is a violent siege of my olfactory senses. Jesus .. For the love of.. 

This is it, this is how I die: suffocated at the hands of Old Spice. Please tell my loved ones I loved them.

My sister can have my iPhone and iPad. My dad can have my TV and computer. My mom gets anything her heart wants. My nephew gets my bed and car, and my niece gets my drums. 

To my girlfriend: she gets all my music, my shirts, my ice cream, my guitars and my camera. Tell them all....

Uugggghhhhhh.....

Speed

The train being late is one thing, being two minutes early and pulling up as I am parking my car forcing me to sprint to it is a dick move. 

I made it, but damn.

Odd mix of people on the train this morning. Lots of solemn faces and tired eyes. The lady next to me smells like flowers and anise. Huge amounts of both and my eyes are watering. Less is more, people. 

Happy Friday!!

Elbow

Packed train. An old lady with a cane was sitting next to me and had her smart phone out playing a Vegas slot game. Her arms were wide holding that phone sideways. She had jabbed my ribs several times. It hurt!

I brought my arm down to my side which dislodged her elbow from my side. She stopped playing her game and put her phone away. 

Good. You aren't special lady. Watch your surroundings.

Distract

I found a new app that I really like. It has distracted me for most of my train ride, but here are a few things:

Very old lady in the senior/disability section and she has loudly for the last few stops claimed her age and how she has earned sitting in that section. Finally I said, "we all believe you." She smiled and pulled out a book satisfied.

Very pretty girl in a ponytail who had spent most of the ride looking at me and smiling. It's flattering, but it was starting to creep me out a bit. When I turned to look, there was a handsome guy behind me. I'm going to assume they were looking at each other. 

I need breakfast.

Musty

It's a little wet outside, but the whole train smells like wet paper bags right now. It's kinda gross but a little not.

Right now I wish I could flip how I feel about my bed so that in the evening I want to go to bed so badly, and in the morning I would be like, "get me the hell out of here!!!"

Rage

The reason I like mornings is because there are not many angry or upset feelings anywhere at 6am.  It is very quiet, very slow, and very tranquil. There are many heads nodded forward on the train all very solemn, as if in prayer, making for quite the calming environment.

One side effect is that when anything loud or fast happens, it is amplified by the stark silence of the surroundings.

In this case, forty people just turned and looked at a man who sneezed. It was surreal. How dare he?

Balls

I love basketball. It's an exciting, fast-paced sport with lots of dynamics and strategy. But one thing I don't care for it a young basketball player dribbling the ball over and over on the train platform at 5:45 AM. The way it was echoing in the quiet morning made him sound like a rhythmless Jamaican drummer with rubber drums instead of steel.

There is a lady across from me on the train talking loudly about votes and bills. I don't know if she is part of a committee at work, or a state representative. Either way, she is struggling to sound important, but instead boring the hell out of the person she is riding with (who is distracted by something out the window..) I can hear her over my headphones though, and her droning tone is hypnotic.

Bags

Men as a whole have been moving into the same androgynous area women have thrived in for decades. Where women started wearing jeans, suits and tennis shoes, men's fashion hasn't changed much in a long time. You toss the right hat on one of these button-down, wingtip wearing guys and he looks straight out of the 1940s.

For a while, jeans and varieties of tshirts have been pretty normal fare across the spectrum of both men and women, but now the men are moving to the gray area.

The man in the pink Columbia jacket. The three guys with man-purses (murse?) and the guy in a pin stripe pencil skirt: all defying our agreed upon social costume prejudices.

That last one there? He is rocking it. Skinny kid with guy hips. But he looks comfortable.  I am a bit amazed and glad. It would be awesome to see a time when the style, not type, of clothing is what is even relevant.

Brown

When my eyes stay unfocused while riding the train, all I see is a blurry smear of color out my window. Today, since it is still winter, that smear is a light grey-brown one with hints of purple. 

The purple isn't really there, it is an illusion your brain must do in order to add life or happiness to any situation. Seeing the silver lining, as it were.

I'm looking out the window because the 11am train into town is almost empty. I would suggest it for commute time if you worked, say, a 12p-8p shift.

The topskin of concrete is still dark, having absorbed some rain. I cannot wait until my commute is a red or yellow variety, and ultimately a bright green one.

Bikes

Not one or two, but eight (8!!) bicycles on the train here. It's so irritating. I still maintain that a bike should have its own fare. It uses up space, annoys riders, and causes more wear and tear than any riders do. They should have to pay more.

Glad this isn't my usual commute time. I would go postal if I had to navigate this on a daily basis.

Get off my lawn!

Seats

I couldn't sleep for several reasons: one being my nose was a bit stuffy, but the main reason is my excitement over today's events. Wee!

As a result, I'm on an earlier train and it is almost completely empty with seats everywhere. Most people here look really tired. My reflection shows the same. I will nap at lunch and will be right as rain.

Hoping this day just flies by!!!

Moan

I don't know if it's daylight savings time, or the fact that it's Monday, but there is so very little going on here this morning. Lots of tired faces, red cheeks, and closed eyes. It's quiet and pretty calm.

I should have stayed home today, myself. I could use about five or six more hours of sleep.

Today is a week that will start lame and end fantastic! So I just need to hold on a few days and happiness will be mine!

Sun

It's sunny. It's warm. It's Friday. It's payday. And yet something is missing. Is it possible for someone to be in two places at once? I feel split. My heart is missing someone terribly. 

Not many people on this train. I popped onto a red line, which was uncharacteristic for the time of day.. But it swept me from downtown. I'll rest at sunset for a few moments for the next blue line. It got me away from spangers and weirdos. 

I could have waited, though, because the nice weather brought out about five musicians who were all pretty good. It's that time of year when I really start loving my city. 

You know, until October when I go back to just regular love.

Respect

I think simple manners are slipping away each year. Being loud on your cell phone on a public train, carrying very smelly food as well, wearing heavy amounts of perfume, not removing your bags from a seat next to you to allow others to sit down.... These are all massive dick moves, and they are happening with more frequency it seems than ever.

Be a good neighbor, people. Mind your contribution to your environment.

In other news, bible guy just got on the train, is standing across from me, and is wearing jeans so tight he has a pretty epic male cameltoe. Make it stop!! Aaaaagghhh!!

Happy Friday!

Geriatric

Interestingly enough I may be the youngest person on this particular train. Seems there are lots of wrinkles and gray air surrounding me. I'm sure I am wrong, but I feel exceptionally spry right now.

On to home tonight where I will play my guitar for a few hours, have a beer or three and watch a little television. My week is almost over and I'm a little closer to happiness. 

Size

I am irritable this morning. Just about everyone on this train is already on my nerves. It's like a greatest hits of obnoxious. And it's not my usual train. Why? Because mine showed up five minutes early today and was pulling away as I got to the platform. Thanks for making me late to work asshats!

This train has... Super large people taking up two seats: check. Loud valley girls talking loudly about nothing, one of which has a large purse which has hit me twice: check/check. Some guy just got on who seriously bathed in musky cologne: check. 

Need breakfast... I'll probably snap out of it.  If only I could get this old lady to stop staring at me. It's really creepy.

iCitizen

My end of the train looks like an iPhone users conference, or an introvert support group, where we are almost in a circle using our phones and being very quiet.

Subtle glances are being made around from time to time by people, but eye contact is being avoided as if we all were Medusa and one furtive gaze from becoming statues.

Judging from the up down and left rights of one user, I can assume a puzzle game. One girl just lazily swiping right to left, so likely an eBook (or the worst Angry Birds player ever), and I just thumbing away at the next great American novel here.

Odd

So it's Wednesday, but I feel time scale is off somehow. The Park & Ride lot was a bit more full than usual, and the train is nearly empty. It feels like it's an hour later. 

The only giveaway is that I recognize bible guy and a few others. So it must be the right time. Weird. I just feel out of phase today, like I am in an alternate universe. 

I may get coffee. Maybe caffeine will snap me back into reality.

Drama

Listening for about 10 minutes of this loud mouth girl go off to her girlfriend was almost too much. She is doling out advice to her how, due to her friends boyfriend's alcoholism, because he isn't paying rent and he needs to man up because he is jeopardizing the friends potential credit and rental history.

True! You nailed it. Shouting this on a quiet train makes you a helpful, but annoying-as-shit, friend.

I got up and walked to the other end of the train without saying a word where it is much quieter. Now the only oddity I see is the older woman in front of me reading what appears to be the Mexican equivalent of Cosmo. 

¡Diez secretos en el dormitorio que no quieren que usted sepa!*

*Ten secrets in the bedroom he doesn't want you to know!

Motor

Perhaps if you have a motorcycle, you don't need to take it on the train. It's bad enough when there are a lot of bicycles preventing people from standing, but this is a new level of silly. On top of all that, sitting down and resting your foot protectively on it just amplifies your douchiness. 

For the record, autocorrect tried to make "douchiness" change to "sour chives."

Also: it's bad enough if your headphones are turned up so loudly on you that everyone around can share in your poor choice of music, but that you insist on teeth-whistling along with the music makes you a Grade A Certified jackass.

Shuffle

It is a very busy train I got on, and one young guy gets up for the old Asian woman behind me, and she in turn offers me the seat, which I decline (initially) but she shoves me into it. Like... parks me.

Just then another you man gets up seeing this and offers her his seat which she accepts graciously. 

Immediately after that there was this cascade of kindness as young got up for old and men got up for women.

It was a chivalrous tidal wave of dozens of people standing up and sitting down.

Thanks first guy for initiating it, and thanks older lady for causing a scene by sitting my ass down. That was actually pretty damn cool to watch.

Hero

When I was a child, there was a toy that was popular was He-Man. This toy had a lot of interesting nuances to it which are curious. First, there was controversy that the toy existed first, and the cartoon second. Usually it was the other way around, but in this case the cartoon was essentially a giant commercial to sell the toys. 

Second, and this is not official, but it was an early depiction of homosexuality. It was veiled, but obviously there. 

Lastly, and the point of this whole post, is that there was a bad guy named Stinkor. His evil power was his nasty stench which could overpower a good guy. They accomplished this in toy-form by having a green fishlike guy with big ears and skunk stripes doused in patchouli oil. This smell lasted for years after purchase.

The old lady next to me has conjured all of these memories by virtue of dousing herself in the same oil.