Sweat

Nice shirt, nice slacks, nice shoes, nicely coifed hair... You smell like a four-day-old armpit.

Before you climb into your monkey suit, hose off first. It's not that difficult.

I see you are new to the insurance industry. Look buddy, you're going to be spending quality time in close proximity to your clients, you're going to need to smell the part. You seem really nice but I want to hip check you into a kiddie pool filled with Febreeze right now.

Need

I need. I just do. I need interaction with friends, chats with parents, and hugs from my significant other. These things are like air, food and shelter. 

They all occupy the bottom row of Maslow's pyramid. Without these connections, I shrivel up on the inside. I am no good alone.

Unless I am on a train with a lot of rude, sniveling knuckle-draggers who wear too much perfume, don't cover their coughs, and lack any manners. In that case, just leave me alone.

My cat is more couth and he pukes on my carpet and doesn't pay rent.

Old

With people living longer, it makes me wonder if we are getting age heavy as a culture. It's like we are all more focused on healthy, longevity, bonds, retirement accounts, investments, vitamins, and such. There isn't much focus on the present.

With people living until 90, there is as much life between retirement and then, as there is from 40 until retirement. Pretty insane. As we all forget to bother living our lives because we are all terrified about not living forever. 

Tattoo

There is an older lady, maybe early 50s across from me dressed in a nice pink shirt and white pants. She is also wearing nice jewelry, and looks fairly professional. What stands out the most about her, however, is her Gun'n'Roses, "Livin' on a Prayer," tattoo on her right forearm.  Just stands as proof that tattoos, as with real estate is all about location, location, location.

There is a guy in yoga pants. He looks really comfortable and confident in them. They don't translate too well for my tastes, but he is in good enough shape that I'm certain he is someone's cup of tea.

The sun is out, and I feel like playing in it. 

Reek

Patchouli person is somewhere on this train. It is like a Whodunnit mystery, only instead of who committed a murder, it's who the hell dipped themselves in this dense acrid oil. I'm so tempted to just stand up and make a speech. 

Mondays are bad.

Mornings at 6am suck.

Combine the two, and you have "bad suck" or "suck bad."

I am remarkably awake today. Somehow alarm went off at 5:15 and I didn't hit snooze. Weird! Thankfully, too. Last few days I've not been able to wake before 630.

Two

Two interesting items of note here are going to be the two guy with portable CD players who just became instant friends, and the older lady whose 22 year old daughter is trying to convince her to go to a pole dancing exercise class. 

Need coffee. Brain feels like tapioca right now.

Phones

Everyone pull out your technology! I would say 80% of people on this train have a phone or Tablet out right now and is either web browsing, reading or furiously texting. Limited eye contact or awareness of surroundings. I bet I could be dressed up in a big furry raccoon costume and nobody would even notice.

It's a bizarre sort if disconnection with the world around me. 

The only other person looking around is a young punk girl wth bright red hair and a knit cap with a patch on the front that says, "Ain't No Wifey."

Don't have the heart to tell her about double negatives...

Mix

Today's smell would be the sharp flower smell of the detergent aisle at the grocery store coupled with a thick, sour one of room-temperature milk. 

They are wafting back and forth and the vacillation makes them both fresh and new every few moments. Not quite like being in a hot garbage truck, but close.

Two people near me are reading the same book: one on kindle, one an actual paperback. I wonder who will finish first and/or retain the information better. I don't know which book, I just overheard the fact before I stuffed my remembered-headphones in my ears. Yay!

There is an older Indian lady staring me down from the other end of the train. Wonder what her problem is. I should ask her, but I have a new rule: no talking to strangers before breakfast.

Punk

Young 20-nothing douchecanoe next to me talking on his phone playing deaf as an aged Navy veteran gets on with a walker. I say, "Hey why not get up?"

Ignored.

I nudge him, "Offer him your seat."

Ignored.

I yell loudly in his ear, " Get! Up!"

Oh! Now suddenly Captain Awareness is so chivalrous! What a tool. 

Sound

It looks like I need to add my headphones to my "Leave the house," pat down song.  Now I have to listen to the morning group of old ladies coo and tremble at the baby in the stroller two feet from me. 

A repeated search of pockets tell me that I have no recourse to people talking so much so early in the morning. Endless streams of meaningless topics flying about loudly. I heard the mom criticizing her sister for being a helicopter mom. Other people chitter all around me.

Flip phones. Diversify.  Permanent tooth. Dating. Rain. Ballerina. Eggs. 

Overload...

Friday

Trimet employee with a big bag of chocolate yelling, "happy Friday!" while giving out chocolate.  Quite amusing. 

Busy train. Hard to type. 

See you Monday!!!

Estrogen

This train has probably 80/20 women. This is interesting and makes me wonder why. So many scenarios to make ridership so unbalanced. 

Men like to drive more?

Husband took the car?

Women smarter and more logical?

Let's go with that last one there. 

Smoosh

So while this morning was bereft of riders, this afternoon is the opposite with more people leaving the city than went into it. It's microcosmic urban fleeing!

Eep! And stuff.. And junk...

Odd juxtaposition: very old lady texting on a large phone (Galaxy S4?) and a young kid next to her reading a book of sorts. Fairly amusing. 

And why the hell not! Come on kids, bring analog entertainment back. All this wireless shit is killing us!

Thin

I thought I had missed my train. Once I got to the platform, there wasn't the usual 15-20 people waiting. Instead it was just me and one other person. But it still showed up as expected, and getting on, it is also fairly sparse on the train itself.

Strange.

I toyed with the idea of taking a mental health day myself, but decided my mental health is fine and I should probably just go to work today.

Leer

Some guys cologne on this train is giving me an asthematic reaction. Every time the doors open at a stop I lean out and gasp. Jesus. Feels like I am drowning. 

There is this cute girl on the train. I would say 5'1", possibly of Greek descent. Big full jet-black hair, smooth olive skin. She is a tiny little thing. She is in a Best Buy shirt and khaki pants. 

As with most women, if you think they are attractive, you glance and look away. It's polite. There is this old guy who has been staring so hard at her that I am surprised she hasn't burst into flames.

She had to get up and move down the train in my direction, him staring the whole way, to get away from him.

I'm staring at him. He doesn't blink. Creeper!!! He only looked away when she sat down out of sight. Ugh. Even I need a shower.

Fate

Some people say you are predestined a fate. And all things happen for a reason. I sometimes believe this, and other times I get hyperlogical and think that, instead of a grand design or plan, our strength as humans is shown in our ability to react and adapt when things don't quite go as planned.

You miss a train. Find $20 on the ground. Get a job. Don't get a job. Meet someone at the least likely of times and fall in love.

These things if taken as unplanned events can present you with opportunity or challenges to grow and learn. It is really easy to use postdiction (the opposite of prediction) to ascribe these things some giant plan.  The is the same way people say Nostradamas predicted Hitler and 9/11. 

Or... Maybe this is all a carefully scripted story bent on organizing 7+billion lives. That sounds like a project management nightmare to me. 

No. Set the wheels in motion, and let's see how humans act and react to all the nuances of life.

Just be sure not to miss those opportunities when they present themselves. Okay!?

Message

There have been several times I have complained about girls and their purses, but they have nothing on the hipster-douche bicyclist with their Chrome messenger bag.

Control your purse, dumbass! You thwacked me, and bounced it off five other people as you walked down the aisle. It was reminiscent of the guitar/nun scene from Airplane: bong bong bong...

Need to break my fast. Today begins a new chapter at work.

Sweat

Two things that make me a little uneasy are the thick, funk smell of sweat, and the wet, schlorpy sound of someone chewing noodles with their mouth open.

I get both of these today. 

Couple that with rude, well-dressed, 50-something women (a pack of them), and it's just a delightfully spirited trip!

The middle of the train is creaking like a submarine diving too quickly. It's quite amusing to see the alarm on exactly nobody's face over this aberration. Maybe it's just because I ride so frequently I even notice.

Cross

Lady next to me is having an annoyingly loud conversation with a guy a ways away from her, so her head is turned and she is speaking loudly in my ear across me.

A mom just got on and has her stroller in the wheelchair spot again. I mean, I suppose at this hour she is at least out of the way. The kid has a little Tupperware full of mixed fruit. So much better than pop tarts or goldfish crackers.

There is a lot of mixed perfume on this train. My nose is confused and twitchy. 

Today is feeling oddly positive, though. I'm in a surprisingly good mood.

El-oh-el

Crowded Friday rush hour train and you are butt-hurt you and your four friends with your five bicycles want to push on? What's this? A wall of citizens collectively preventing you from getting on?

Excellent! Nothing brings people together like the social fight against mass douchebaggery.

What an amazing day out today! Sunny, breezy, 68 degrees, and some girl somewhere on this train is wearing Gucci perfume. This has brought a huge, happy smile to my face. I bet I look crazy. But that is because I am: Crazy in love.

Adventure

Guy in front of me holding a pair of brightly-colored skis. My guess is he is heading up to the mountain to get a last run in before spring melts it all.

Phone-bible guy is sitting next to me scrolling through his good book. Easter is next weekend, so maybe he is brushing up on his verse. He smells thick of that old church incense. It reminds me of another time.

A buxom redhead girl just got on the train. She is attractive, but I can tell she "knows it," and it makes me roll my eyes and go back to typing. There is a line after confidence people cross and she flew past that.

Stinky

A guy wearing way too much cologne bitched at a guy who got on because he smells like cigarettes. It was fantastic.

So I move and sit next to this other guy.. Who has a dog on his lap who is in dire need of a bath. In all honesty both of them are as he smells like B.O. and the dog smells like dog shit and mud.

Unwashed guido sitting across from me is loving to talk on his phone. He really needs a manners lesson but I don't have time to go to jail right now. 

Lucky him!

It's beautiful outside and I am done for the day. Time to relax and enjoy some warmth.

Shiver

There are defining moments in every man's life that shape him. These are the "A Ha!" moments that form who he is as a person and the purpose he has in the world in which he lives.

Today was not such a day. I just woke up cold, my sheets twisted around me like failed origami, and mostly fell out of bed. It's a very, "go through the motions," type of morning.

Tomorrow is Friday, though, and worth looking forward.  I should be looking forward to today, not tomorrow, so I will try out my optimism pants today.

I'm in a rear-facing seat so I am looking at the faces of most people riding, and I see a lot of tired despair. Why do we, as a society, spend so many decades of our lives so miserable in order to appreciate a handful of good moments? It should be at least equal, right? Who thought this was a good idea?

We all do this willingly, so it won't ever change. 

Much

Even if it smells good, too much of a good thing is overwhelming for your fellow riders. Why is it so difficult to moderate your perfume? Jesus.

Bible guy is reading the bible on his shiny new smartphone. I hope it has the ability to dogear and highlight the passages that are meaningful to him. Nothing quite like the real book to pour over. 

It's way easier to pretend to be a good person than actually be a good person. Religion is just escapism like any other form of entertainment.

Boy am I feeling judgy today. I think I need breakfast. 

Crowd

Quite a few folks on this train. I still see no rhyme or reason for the rise and fall in ridership day over day.

Barely have room to type here all clustered up. This isn't a bad thing. Going to throw on some music and relax.

Wee!

Grand

Very old lady talking to a young boy she apparently knows. The boy's father stands nearby, and it appears they are family friends or something. 

From the moment the kid and his dad got on the train, this old lady has talked endlessly. A constant stream of creaky, shaky talk about our nice weather and why weathermen aren't that accurate. "Highly paid guessers," she says.

Her nose is hooked, her face frozen into a creased, leathery permanent grin, and she is talking so loudly I can hear her over Tool blaring into my ears. 

It's too early for Tool.  

Eww

It is warm outside. The news days 71, my app says 72, the bank display says 78. I believe the bank ( not something that happens frequently.)

I am in my black wool coat and feeling quite toasty. I could use a fan blowing on me.

And a cold beer... definitely beer.

Late

Woke up late. Caught a late train. Might have been really weird,

But ran into my friend and we are talking about music and work. I'm waking up faster than usual talking about stuff I enjoy.

I need to wake up doing this stuff. Man would be nice to look forward to the day.

High

Greetings from 40,002 feet. It's the sweet spot we have been toying with the last two hours trying to find less turbulence than a Class 3 rapid. 

The two things about that last statement that are silly are: 1) "We" aren't doing shit, the pilot is doing all the work, and 2) comparing one mode of transportation to another is silly. 

There is a coughing hacking baby up front with and ignorant mother doing specifically nothing about it. I heard her explain to someone in her row that, "babies will be babies!" The thoughts in my head were unkind to say the least.

Before I boarded, I attempted to splurge the $45 to upgrade to economy plus class for more leg room. I like the space. Plus I can almost kinda afford that kinda luxury (fingers crossed).

They declined my card. Something in the translation hated me. There is money there but maybe it didn't like the out-of-state crap, or I fat-fingered my card number, so I tried twice and said screw it. My guess is either.. Whatever. 

I get to my seat and lo and behold: no middle person. Arm flips up. Didn't need the upgrade so that ended up being a huge plus.

This weekend went too stupid fast. Why can't my Mon-Fri speed by at such a clip. 

We are officially over Oregon now. Going to nap the last 39 minutes. I'll have an hour train ride after this until home. I just want to pass out and try to not let go of my memories of a good weekend.

Busy

There seems to be little in the way of a pattern that dictates it the train will be relaxed and mildly populated or tense and packed. Today is the latter. Lots of shoulder to shoulder "get to know ya" riders. I remember working the later 9a-6p shift and being in bliss most of the time in both directions.

But getting home at 7p was a little annoying. Felt like I had no time to do anything. Being home by 4:45p is so much more rewarding.

Totally worth the bleary-eyed mornings and train-sex afternoons. 

Elders

Culturally, I've noticed something interesting while riding this train for years, and that is how different cultures treat their elders. Now you have to understand that this comes from a lot of people watching and observation. This is not simply a random opinion.

The order in which the most respect is shown to least is:

1.) Asians, specifically Japanese. Not only offering their seats, but have seen more than one younger person seek out seating for an older man or woman.

2.) African-american. Again, quick to stand and offer seating. It's been very heartening to see such respect to elders. Make and female both offer seating.

3.) White people. Not as frequently but it happens a lot. It's mostly men getting up. The most rare being young girls giving their seats to older women.

4.) Latinos. A whole lot of "go fuck yourself" mentality. Big difference. Mostly from the younger girls. In fact, I've seen young girls race old Latino women to a seat to take it from them. It's sickening. 

Again, this is years of observation, so I'm just saying what I have seen. Have I seen a Mexican guy offer his seat? Yep! Have I seen a Asian hipster actively ignore an older lady? Absolutely. But those are aberrations.

Weird, eh?

Strollers

Packed trains are no places for strollers, bicycles, and loud phones playing games with their sound maxed out. Shoving your way on and making scoffing remarks is just beyond the pale.

I don't know how some of you people consider yourselves useful members of society, but you are the colossal yin to the pleasant yang of people who hold doors, offer seats to elderly, and say, "thank you," when appropriate.

Please stop going out into public. You are unnecessarily using up valuable air and space.