End

I don't feel like posting anymore.

Beat

It's as if every person on this train was in some sort of secret battle that nearly bested them. Worn make-up, disheveled hair, empty travel mugs, and closed eyes are how we interior decorate the car.

We don't care that we are going home so much as putting distance between ourselves and our grind.

And tomorrow we will all return, reluctant but somehow willing, to do it all again.

Late

The later train is a whole different cast of characters. Everyone seems vastly more awake and unhurried. If I didn't enjoy getting home reasonably early I might look into getting the 9-6 shift instead.

There are more students on board than professionals. Oh the days of not having to beat the sun out of its bed.

My research of the day is how I can lose 70-80lbs without crazy cardio. Don't think my leg could handle much running or impact. After my next chiro adjustment, I may look at yoga.

Electronics

Apparently the train suffers in the heat. I'm not talking about asphalt melting heat, just a few degrees above warm. It's only 88 and they are traveling at lower speeds and only have one car instead of the tandem two. 

I guess somehow that is out spec for the poor little engine that couldn't.

Although the AC is on and blowing so chilly that I could use a jacket. So there is that.

Blur

Apparently today is Wednesday. I know this because the radio station told me so this morning. The days are somewhat running together into a grayish sludge. 

This makes for an interesting train ride. Lights have tracers and the voices of people around me talking sound like the adults from Peanuts cartoons.

The color of the day is a peach/sherbet. Either it's the sun coloring everyone on board, or light orange is the summer color of 2014. 

Coffee

A large mason jar of coffee is the way this guy decides to start his day. Why wouldn't he want thirty-two ounces of the stuff? I hear rumor of people drinking two entire pots a day. I can barely finish a cup myself. It's too acidic and makes me jittery. 

But every time he unscrews the lid to take a sip, what can be described and caramel sewage pours out and makes me want to gag. Nasty.

But he has the tattoos of "Want Some" and "Get Some" on his right and left hand, respectively, and his fingers are numbered from 1-8 in Roman numerals. I think I'll just stare at the window and wish it weren't Monday.

Nervous

The guy sitting next to me shouldn't drink coffee. I say this for several reasons like:

• he is nervous enough as it is with his leg twitching next to me 

• his taste buds are either dead or stupid because his mug smells like a delightful mix of ash, dirt and feet

• he isn't very coordinated with his lips judging by the coffee drips on his shirt.

Today is Tuesday. Who needs to be awake for a Tuesday? Skip the coffee bro. Fill that sucker with some rum & coke and enjoy your day.

Patterns

It's odd that we as humans dress in patterns. Makes me feel like we never really emerged past our fur and feather wearing ancestors. I don't know what is so wrong with just a solid colored shirt, but everyone on this train is wearing stripes (horizontal or vertical) or some checkered plaid. 

Not most: all. It's psychologically I suppose our meek way of standing out and being different and unique.

Just not too different.

Pig

The train is having issues with a door. Upon arrival to the major transit center, a transit supervisor gets on and does an inspection of the door. This guy is an older Asian gentleman, and is tiny.

He has an enormous belt buckle that reads, "I Raise Pigs. I Eat Pork."

Okay then.

Flail

The woman next to me, who looks like a skinny Judy Dench, is talking emphatically and gesturing like mad. The main problem with this is that she has sharp elbows and they hurt when she jabs me in the ribs. 

I wish she would learn to whisper. Not because of the sound, but because perhaps her elbows would only tickle.

And her coffee smells horrible...  Hehe.

Dirt

There is a younger construction worker sitting next to me. His head is buzzed to a stubble and recovering from a sunburn. He is talking to another guy across the aisle about their site. Most of the conversation involves phrases like, "Sheeeeit, I know," and the word sunuvabitch.

He is wearing a hoodie and heavy cargo pants. Resting on one knee is a spiral notepad. Wonder what this blue collar guy has to say...

"Hey pretty girl, I miss you more each and every day.."

I stopped reading after that. None of my business. But I feel for the kid. I'm sure she will appreciate the letter.

Furniture

Daffy woman sitting across from me thinks I am a footstool. After moving around and avoiding her subtley, I finally made a big production about rotating my hips away and my legs away from hers. 

She seemed to get the hint, but not really.

She is wearing purple scrubs and has a cluster of large roses tattooed across her chest. She is failing to to divine simple space logic here, so I pity anyone who may get a needle in the arm from her someday.

The guy across from me looks like a cross between Jim Parsons and Michael Keaton. It's fascinating.

Better

It smells like sweaty feet and old ink on the train. Loads of people getting on and there is no reason why it's so busy today unless people simply do not want to drive on a Monday. To be completely honest, who can blame them? I don't want to drive any day: especially Mondays.

There is a lady probably about my age hovering over me. I can feel her eyes staring me down as to why I am not offering up my seat. The reason behind that is an easy one: I don't wanna.

That, and spite because she seems to be making a bigger deal out of it than is necessary. 

Delight

People going to work, people heading home, some going to school, and that pretty much sums up everyone on the train this morning. 

The only exciting thing that exists right now is the bookend drunks sleeping sideways at both ends of the train; their necks hanging half off and against the windows, and a paper bag with a bottle in as their seat mate.

They have a decidedly shorter to-do list.

Pause

It would be interesting

if Time, 

the big one with the capital letter, 

moved forward for humans 

at a steady 

perceivable 

rate. 

Picnics and kisses 

And music: 

Tick tick tick. 

Work and taxes

And oil changes:  

Tick tick tick. 

And those few moments, 

those moments that 

you swear last 

forever:

a speech

an interview

dinner with her parents

or with your own.

Tick tick tick.

But that pause 

from your soulmate

after you say, "I love you,"

the huge swelling

inside you 

while you are waiting 

for what seems

like

lifetimes

for them to say

it

back,

and the feeling that

occurs when

they do:

In that moment, 

I am glad I don't know

clocks exist.

Friends

The Divine Secrets of the TriMet Sisterhood?

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Bus Pants?

Fried Green Ticket Fares?

Whatever you want to call it, there seems to be a collective of ladies who ride the train every day. They start as two and each stop seems to add a lady. They are chatting and laughing way too bubbly-like for this time of morning.

Makes me wonder if they are actually going anywhere, or if at a certain point they all get off, have brunch, and then so it in reverse.

Portland Train Brunch Club.

Short

I caught a train at a station much closer to work. I just love the "Park & Ride" ability. Picked up a red line train, which originates only one stop before, which means nearly nobody is on this bad boy.

Who is, you ask? Well some crazy-cat lady in her homemade knit sweater, who took the good seat, is watching her tablet. 

And someone has coffee somewhere. Likely without a lid. It's turning my stomach because the smell is pretty nasty.

There is a sick kid at the far end of the train. Probably two years old, with curly blonde hair and pink cheeks... coughing its brains out. Not into a sleeve or hand either, mind you, just open mouth gurgle-coughing.  Granted the kid is all the way at the other end of the train but... Still makes me paranoid a little.

Invasive

I had a really long rant about a guy here on the train, but decided it was really insensitive and mildly offensive. Maybe he can't help his body's odor problem, but man what I wrote was kinda harsh. 

Even for me.

Don't get me wrong, it's pretty bad. But I will just hold my tongue as well as my nose. I just need to get home and relax. 

Tomorrow is the amazing start of something wonderful.

Rounds

To sum up: 

Homeless guy to my left keeps pulling beer out of his bag and trying to subtley drink it and stuff it back in his bag. He makes such a production about the retrieval, sip and hiding of the bottle that everyone knows he's doing it and nobody cares. And he has bad taste in beer.

Girl to my right is standing, probably 5'2" and 95 lbs. skinny little thing in her yoga/long johns underwear. Leaving nothing to the imagination, but she has a rather large dog with her so she has a wide berth. Cute dog, though, with a pink bow on the collar.

Guy across from me looks like Brian Grant from Trailblazers of yore. Probably 6'10" -ish, his head is almost touching the roof. Tall people are calming to me for some reason.

Guy next to him is a creepy large guy in one of those black cholo shirts with flames on it. He's staring lasers at the dog-girl's crotch. It's pretty creepy. His buddy just nudged him and said to look at something else. Awkward!

Song

The argument of two guys at the platform this morning contained mostly the word, "fuck." I would say they were likely 20 or 21and were fighting about a girl. 

Not over or for, but about. 

All I heard as I walked by was, "I wasn't abusing her. Now that you are how Passion treated Skye you can see I was only defending myself." It was pretty pathetic, and the dialog they were using was like a terrible soap opera.

"You are only pointing the shitty end of the stick at me without hearing my second side of the story."

Oh lord, get me the boxed wine and microwave popcorn.

A train finally showed up and rescued me only to sit me next to an old Native American guy who also happened to be a TSA agent. He was moaning the songs of his people under his breathe for two stops before I remembered I have my headphones. 

Now the calming sounds of my own music are oozing into my head: much better.

Is it Friday yet?

Jeans

Everyone is wearing exceptionally tight jeans today. It's a little strange. I didn't get the memo, so you cannot see my genetalia. 

I am going to go home now and work on some music. I posed a challenge to a friend and need to hold up my end of the bargain. Progressions are already bouncing around in my head.

Not sure how I will get through this coming week, but it had better go quickly. There is a wonderful present on the end of it that had my heart going a million miles per hour. 

Obsession

Most people I know have an obsession. Something they really like that can make it easy to get "thinking of you gifts" for them while you are out and about.

It can be anything really: dragonflies, turtles, lighthouses, skulls, the color green, unicorns, or smiley faces. We all know that people have a defined thing they get pigeoned-holed into. 

I don't see this as a bad thing. What is odd is that I realize that I don't collect anything. I do love the color orange, but I also love blue and black. I seem to have more sweeping themes. For instance, while I know I could buy my neighbor "Scorpions" anything, I like music so there are a lot of bands I like a lot. It feels a little odd to not have that one thing that I simply know everything about and makes me happy. I am grateful to have sweeping likes, but it might be fun to own a lot of one themed item. If only I knew what it was.

This rant brought to you by the girl on the train in the Hello Kitty shoes, yoga pants, shirt, purse, hat and iPhone case.

Haze

I woke up late, dazed and confused with my alarm having gone off for 36 minutes. I didn't get good sleep at all and pretty much woke up swearing. I almost said screw it and went back to sleep, but I should keep my PTO for something more fun.

Everyone on the train looks weird today. Like the casting director for this episode of my life should be fired. Strange list of characters here: buff freckles guy in a white tank top, backpack and dress shoes; an overweight punk rocker who smells like vanilla cookies, and a well-dressed-but-overly-nervous Indian businessman. 

The most odd is this weird heroin chic couple who both look like they collectively rolled out of bed. Rail thin, tattoos, pink and purple sweats and hoodies... Holding on to each other like they are saying goodbye forever. His arm on her lower back is so tightly pulling her in that her willowy frame is folding inward like a bendy straw, and her head is buried in his tiny bird chest. I'm not sure if it's supposed to look like a Calvin Klein commercial, but it does. 

Early

I normally hit the 6:21 train, and while it's a bit busy, seats are readily available. I normally am surprised how busy it is given the time.

Today I could barely stay asleep, I woke up early, didn't hit snooze, and got out of bed way early. I slowly got ready, and caught the 6:08 train instead. 

Blown. Away.

This train is more packed. It's unbelievable this many people get up so early. I mean, doesn't anyone sleep anymore? This is obscene. 

Laugh

There is a guy watching something really funny on his phone. I only know it's funny because he is randomly erupting into belly laughs. Loud, boisterous knee-slappers.

I have heard that when someone laughs, they make the people around them feel better. This makes it so stand-up comedians turn their audience into a kind of group therapy.  Food for thought there.

The lady next to me apparently is being stalked by someone who won't stop calling. She doesn't want to decline the call because the person will know she is actively avoiding them.  So she let's the call roll to voicemail after a six or eight play-throughs of her digital bubbling ringtone.

We have all done this.

Where she gets irritating is that her phone ringer is on and turned up. This means her phone is just ringing and ringing and ringing. I think my last glare may have worked as it hasn't rang out loud since.

Or perhaps the caller gave up for now, satisfied that she is just not available.

Light

The early morning dawn is throwing me off. I woke up this morning on time, but since the light was already coming in through my blinds, I thought it was later and panicked thinking I slept in again.

I've a problem getting up lately. Work isn't really worth getting up for these days. It's frustrating.

It must be a good perk of living near the equator that the day length doesn't change quite as much. That.. And the nicer weather and stuff.

End

If you are not actively pursuing your dreams and enjoying life, then I feel you are putting yourself in a sort of virtual hospice simply waiting to die.

Doing the same thing over and over never seeking to improve or change is insane if you aren't already living a happy life. Life is a journey: if you aren't where you want to be, you aren't there yet. Don't just stop and accept this as they are.

It's a strange sort of thing. 

Fire

Hey you, mother of a very sick toddler, why not stay home or use a car instead of bringing your coughing, gurgling, snotty kid on a full train of people who do not want to get sick. 

Seriously, lady. Your kid is openly coughing vertically from her chair into the air. From across the train I can see the virulent mist cloud rise from your little baby's lungs and hover and dissipate.

The baby didn't drive to the train station and choose to ride the train. And she is too young to know how to cover her cough. She is just a cute little innocent Patient Zero.

You, however, do know better. Therefore you are who I want to neck punch right now.

Fear

Another reason I don't mind riding the train are all the scary people on the road doing things they shouldn't. I only have a half-mile trip to the nearby park-n-ride, but in that short trip I saw: a person texting, a person eating a breakfast sandwich, and a woman putting Visine in her eyes while driving.

These people don't go away when I am on a train. They are still there, and will occasionally get hit by trains. But this vehicle weighs about 55 tons. I feel far safer against the likes of them while I am in it.

Does this make me, "part of the solution?"

Envy

Sitting on the train heading home, I left 30 minutes early because I am trying to avoid the May Day parade downtown that starts at 4pm. It's for a good cause, but disrupts the trains since the parade crosses the tracks in four places.

It's a great day out there. Going to get home, work on a project, drink a beer, and call my girl. I'm in a surprisingly good mood. Which is a big turnaround from this morning.

I know it will go back to overcast and rain this weekend, so I'm going to enjoy the hell out of today while I can.

Chatter

It's too early to sit between six people all catching up with each other. This guy played soccer, that gal went to her kid's play, this lady is having surgery tomorrow on her foot, that guy is bringing store-bought cookies to a potluck (lame).

Wow. You people lead awesome lives! Why isn't there some updating website or TV show on Discovery where I can follow all the wacky happenings that goes on! What season of Train Diaries is this? Please don't spoil for me what wrinkleface there is planing to read next week. I want to be surprised!

Also: I may or may not be real irritable. Going to snag a banana and some coffee this morning. It must be hangry. The woman next to me is resting her (fake!) Gucci purse on my arm and I am daydreaming about force feeding to her. 

Sweat

Nice shirt, nice slacks, nice shoes, nicely coifed hair... You smell like a four-day-old armpit.

Before you climb into your monkey suit, hose off first. It's not that difficult.

I see you are new to the insurance industry. Look buddy, you're going to be spending quality time in close proximity to your clients, you're going to need to smell the part. You seem really nice but I want to hip check you into a kiddie pool filled with Febreeze right now.

Need

I need. I just do. I need interaction with friends, chats with parents, and hugs from my significant other. These things are like air, food and shelter. 

They all occupy the bottom row of Maslow's pyramid. Without these connections, I shrivel up on the inside. I am no good alone.

Unless I am on a train with a lot of rude, sniveling knuckle-draggers who wear too much perfume, don't cover their coughs, and lack any manners. In that case, just leave me alone.

My cat is more couth and he pukes on my carpet and doesn't pay rent.

Old

With people living longer, it makes me wonder if we are getting age heavy as a culture. It's like we are all more focused on healthy, longevity, bonds, retirement accounts, investments, vitamins, and such. There isn't much focus on the present.

With people living until 90, there is as much life between retirement and then, as there is from 40 until retirement. Pretty insane. As we all forget to bother living our lives because we are all terrified about not living forever. 

Tattoo

There is an older lady, maybe early 50s across from me dressed in a nice pink shirt and white pants. She is also wearing nice jewelry, and looks fairly professional. What stands out the most about her, however, is her Gun'n'Roses, "Livin' on a Prayer," tattoo on her right forearm.  Just stands as proof that tattoos, as with real estate is all about location, location, location.

There is a guy in yoga pants. He looks really comfortable and confident in them. They don't translate too well for my tastes, but he is in good enough shape that I'm certain he is someone's cup of tea.

The sun is out, and I feel like playing in it. 

Reek

Patchouli person is somewhere on this train. It is like a Whodunnit mystery, only instead of who committed a murder, it's who the hell dipped themselves in this dense acrid oil. I'm so tempted to just stand up and make a speech. 

Mondays are bad.

Mornings at 6am suck.

Combine the two, and you have "bad suck" or "suck bad."

I am remarkably awake today. Somehow alarm went off at 5:15 and I didn't hit snooze. Weird! Thankfully, too. Last few days I've not been able to wake before 630.

Two

Two interesting items of note here are going to be the two guy with portable CD players who just became instant friends, and the older lady whose 22 year old daughter is trying to convince her to go to a pole dancing exercise class. 

Need coffee. Brain feels like tapioca right now.

Phones

Everyone pull out your technology! I would say 80% of people on this train have a phone or Tablet out right now and is either web browsing, reading or furiously texting. Limited eye contact or awareness of surroundings. I bet I could be dressed up in a big furry raccoon costume and nobody would even notice.

It's a bizarre sort if disconnection with the world around me. 

The only other person looking around is a young punk girl wth bright red hair and a knit cap with a patch on the front that says, "Ain't No Wifey."

Don't have the heart to tell her about double negatives...

Mix

Today's smell would be the sharp flower smell of the detergent aisle at the grocery store coupled with a thick, sour one of room-temperature milk. 

They are wafting back and forth and the vacillation makes them both fresh and new every few moments. Not quite like being in a hot garbage truck, but close.

Two people near me are reading the same book: one on kindle, one an actual paperback. I wonder who will finish first and/or retain the information better. I don't know which book, I just overheard the fact before I stuffed my remembered-headphones in my ears. Yay!

There is an older Indian lady staring me down from the other end of the train. Wonder what her problem is. I should ask her, but I have a new rule: no talking to strangers before breakfast.

Punk

Young 20-nothing douchecanoe next to me talking on his phone playing deaf as an aged Navy veteran gets on with a walker. I say, "Hey why not get up?"

Ignored.

I nudge him, "Offer him your seat."

Ignored.

I yell loudly in his ear, " Get! Up!"

Oh! Now suddenly Captain Awareness is so chivalrous! What a tool. 

Sound

It looks like I need to add my headphones to my "Leave the house," pat down song.  Now I have to listen to the morning group of old ladies coo and tremble at the baby in the stroller two feet from me. 

A repeated search of pockets tell me that I have no recourse to people talking so much so early in the morning. Endless streams of meaningless topics flying about loudly. I heard the mom criticizing her sister for being a helicopter mom. Other people chitter all around me.

Flip phones. Diversify.  Permanent tooth. Dating. Rain. Ballerina. Eggs. 

Overload...

Friday

Trimet employee with a big bag of chocolate yelling, "happy Friday!" while giving out chocolate.  Quite amusing. 

Busy train. Hard to type. 

See you Monday!!!

Estrogen

This train has probably 80/20 women. This is interesting and makes me wonder why. So many scenarios to make ridership so unbalanced. 

Men like to drive more?

Husband took the car?

Women smarter and more logical?

Let's go with that last one there. 

Smoosh

So while this morning was bereft of riders, this afternoon is the opposite with more people leaving the city than went into it. It's microcosmic urban fleeing!

Eep! And stuff.. And junk...

Odd juxtaposition: very old lady texting on a large phone (Galaxy S4?) and a young kid next to her reading a book of sorts. Fairly amusing. 

And why the hell not! Come on kids, bring analog entertainment back. All this wireless shit is killing us!

Thin

I thought I had missed my train. Once I got to the platform, there wasn't the usual 15-20 people waiting. Instead it was just me and one other person. But it still showed up as expected, and getting on, it is also fairly sparse on the train itself.

Strange.

I toyed with the idea of taking a mental health day myself, but decided my mental health is fine and I should probably just go to work today.

Leer

Some guys cologne on this train is giving me an asthematic reaction. Every time the doors open at a stop I lean out and gasp. Jesus. Feels like I am drowning. 

There is this cute girl on the train. I would say 5'1", possibly of Greek descent. Big full jet-black hair, smooth olive skin. She is a tiny little thing. She is in a Best Buy shirt and khaki pants. 

As with most women, if you think they are attractive, you glance and look away. It's polite. There is this old guy who has been staring so hard at her that I am surprised she hasn't burst into flames.

She had to get up and move down the train in my direction, him staring the whole way, to get away from him.

I'm staring at him. He doesn't blink. Creeper!!! He only looked away when she sat down out of sight. Ugh. Even I need a shower.

Fate

Some people say you are predestined a fate. And all things happen for a reason. I sometimes believe this, and other times I get hyperlogical and think that, instead of a grand design or plan, our strength as humans is shown in our ability to react and adapt when things don't quite go as planned.

You miss a train. Find $20 on the ground. Get a job. Don't get a job. Meet someone at the least likely of times and fall in love.

These things if taken as unplanned events can present you with opportunity or challenges to grow and learn. It is really easy to use postdiction (the opposite of prediction) to ascribe these things some giant plan.  The is the same way people say Nostradamas predicted Hitler and 9/11. 

Or... Maybe this is all a carefully scripted story bent on organizing 7+billion lives. That sounds like a project management nightmare to me. 

No. Set the wheels in motion, and let's see how humans act and react to all the nuances of life.

Just be sure not to miss those opportunities when they present themselves. Okay!?

Message

There have been several times I have complained about girls and their purses, but they have nothing on the hipster-douche bicyclist with their Chrome messenger bag.

Control your purse, dumbass! You thwacked me, and bounced it off five other people as you walked down the aisle. It was reminiscent of the guitar/nun scene from Airplane: bong bong bong...

Need to break my fast. Today begins a new chapter at work.

Sweat

Two things that make me a little uneasy are the thick, funk smell of sweat, and the wet, schlorpy sound of someone chewing noodles with their mouth open.

I get both of these today. 

Couple that with rude, well-dressed, 50-something women (a pack of them), and it's just a delightfully spirited trip!

The middle of the train is creaking like a submarine diving too quickly. It's quite amusing to see the alarm on exactly nobody's face over this aberration. Maybe it's just because I ride so frequently I even notice.

Cross

Lady next to me is having an annoyingly loud conversation with a guy a ways away from her, so her head is turned and she is speaking loudly in my ear across me.

A mom just got on and has her stroller in the wheelchair spot again. I mean, I suppose at this hour she is at least out of the way. The kid has a little Tupperware full of mixed fruit. So much better than pop tarts or goldfish crackers.

There is a lot of mixed perfume on this train. My nose is confused and twitchy. 

Today is feeling oddly positive, though. I'm in a surprisingly good mood.

El-oh-el

Crowded Friday rush hour train and you are butt-hurt you and your four friends with your five bicycles want to push on? What's this? A wall of citizens collectively preventing you from getting on?

Excellent! Nothing brings people together like the social fight against mass douchebaggery.

What an amazing day out today! Sunny, breezy, 68 degrees, and some girl somewhere on this train is wearing Gucci perfume. This has brought a huge, happy smile to my face. I bet I look crazy. But that is because I am: Crazy in love.

Adventure

Guy in front of me holding a pair of brightly-colored skis. My guess is he is heading up to the mountain to get a last run in before spring melts it all.

Phone-bible guy is sitting next to me scrolling through his good book. Easter is next weekend, so maybe he is brushing up on his verse. He smells thick of that old church incense. It reminds me of another time.

A buxom redhead girl just got on the train. She is attractive, but I can tell she "knows it," and it makes me roll my eyes and go back to typing. There is a line after confidence people cross and she flew past that.

Stinky

A guy wearing way too much cologne bitched at a guy who got on because he smells like cigarettes. It was fantastic.

So I move and sit next to this other guy.. Who has a dog on his lap who is in dire need of a bath. In all honesty both of them are as he smells like B.O. and the dog smells like dog shit and mud.

Unwashed guido sitting across from me is loving to talk on his phone. He really needs a manners lesson but I don't have time to go to jail right now. 

Lucky him!

It's beautiful outside and I am done for the day. Time to relax and enjoy some warmth.

Shiver

There are defining moments in every man's life that shape him. These are the "A Ha!" moments that form who he is as a person and the purpose he has in the world in which he lives.

Today was not such a day. I just woke up cold, my sheets twisted around me like failed origami, and mostly fell out of bed. It's a very, "go through the motions," type of morning.

Tomorrow is Friday, though, and worth looking forward.  I should be looking forward to today, not tomorrow, so I will try out my optimism pants today.

I'm in a rear-facing seat so I am looking at the faces of most people riding, and I see a lot of tired despair. Why do we, as a society, spend so many decades of our lives so miserable in order to appreciate a handful of good moments? It should be at least equal, right? Who thought this was a good idea?

We all do this willingly, so it won't ever change. 

Much

Even if it smells good, too much of a good thing is overwhelming for your fellow riders. Why is it so difficult to moderate your perfume? Jesus.

Bible guy is reading the bible on his shiny new smartphone. I hope it has the ability to dogear and highlight the passages that are meaningful to him. Nothing quite like the real book to pour over. 

It's way easier to pretend to be a good person than actually be a good person. Religion is just escapism like any other form of entertainment.

Boy am I feeling judgy today. I think I need breakfast. 

Crowd

Quite a few folks on this train. I still see no rhyme or reason for the rise and fall in ridership day over day.

Barely have room to type here all clustered up. This isn't a bad thing. Going to throw on some music and relax.

Wee!

Grand

Very old lady talking to a young boy she apparently knows. The boy's father stands nearby, and it appears they are family friends or something. 

From the moment the kid and his dad got on the train, this old lady has talked endlessly. A constant stream of creaky, shaky talk about our nice weather and why weathermen aren't that accurate. "Highly paid guessers," she says.

Her nose is hooked, her face frozen into a creased, leathery permanent grin, and she is talking so loudly I can hear her over Tool blaring into my ears. 

It's too early for Tool.  

Eww

It is warm outside. The news days 71, my app says 72, the bank display says 78. I believe the bank ( not something that happens frequently.)

I am in my black wool coat and feeling quite toasty. I could use a fan blowing on me.

And a cold beer... definitely beer.

Late

Woke up late. Caught a late train. Might have been really weird,

But ran into my friend and we are talking about music and work. I'm waking up faster than usual talking about stuff I enjoy.

I need to wake up doing this stuff. Man would be nice to look forward to the day.

High

Greetings from 40,002 feet. It's the sweet spot we have been toying with the last two hours trying to find less turbulence than a Class 3 rapid. 

The two things about that last statement that are silly are: 1) "We" aren't doing shit, the pilot is doing all the work, and 2) comparing one mode of transportation to another is silly. 

There is a coughing hacking baby up front with and ignorant mother doing specifically nothing about it. I heard her explain to someone in her row that, "babies will be babies!" The thoughts in my head were unkind to say the least.

Before I boarded, I attempted to splurge the $45 to upgrade to economy plus class for more leg room. I like the space. Plus I can almost kinda afford that kinda luxury (fingers crossed).

They declined my card. Something in the translation hated me. There is money there but maybe it didn't like the out-of-state crap, or I fat-fingered my card number, so I tried twice and said screw it. My guess is either.. Whatever. 

I get to my seat and lo and behold: no middle person. Arm flips up. Didn't need the upgrade so that ended up being a huge plus.

This weekend went too stupid fast. Why can't my Mon-Fri speed by at such a clip. 

We are officially over Oregon now. Going to nap the last 39 minutes. I'll have an hour train ride after this until home. I just want to pass out and try to not let go of my memories of a good weekend.

Busy

There seems to be little in the way of a pattern that dictates it the train will be relaxed and mildly populated or tense and packed. Today is the latter. Lots of shoulder to shoulder "get to know ya" riders. I remember working the later 9a-6p shift and being in bliss most of the time in both directions.

But getting home at 7p was a little annoying. Felt like I had no time to do anything. Being home by 4:45p is so much more rewarding.

Totally worth the bleary-eyed mornings and train-sex afternoons. 

Elders

Culturally, I've noticed something interesting while riding this train for years, and that is how different cultures treat their elders. Now you have to understand that this comes from a lot of people watching and observation. This is not simply a random opinion.

The order in which the most respect is shown to least is:

1.) Asians, specifically Japanese. Not only offering their seats, but have seen more than one younger person seek out seating for an older man or woman.

2.) African-american. Again, quick to stand and offer seating. It's been very heartening to see such respect to elders. Make and female both offer seating.

3.) White people. Not as frequently but it happens a lot. It's mostly men getting up. The most rare being young girls giving their seats to older women.

4.) Latinos. A whole lot of "go fuck yourself" mentality. Big difference. Mostly from the younger girls. In fact, I've seen young girls race old Latino women to a seat to take it from them. It's sickening. 

Again, this is years of observation, so I'm just saying what I have seen. Have I seen a Mexican guy offer his seat? Yep! Have I seen a Asian hipster actively ignore an older lady? Absolutely. But those are aberrations.

Weird, eh?

Strollers

Packed trains are no places for strollers, bicycles, and loud phones playing games with their sound maxed out. Shoving your way on and making scoffing remarks is just beyond the pale.

I don't know how some of you people consider yourselves useful members of society, but you are the colossal yin to the pleasant yang of people who hold doors, offer seats to elderly, and say, "thank you," when appropriate.

Please stop going out into public. You are unnecessarily using up valuable air and space.

Efficacy

There comes a time while performing any task when you hit a wall and realize you are no good at what you are doing.  Enough attempts have rendered the practice a known result that states that you should simply quit.  I wish I could get a certain person to appropriate this thought into her thick, remedial skull.

I won't bore with Einstein's oft-attributed quote.

Time to try a different tact. 

Odd

Going to bed late and waking up early is a bad idea typically. Doing so on a Monday is even worse. But strangely I woke up just fine and have plenty of energy this morning.

I can't say the same for the guy next to me. He is snoring and gasping. He has terrible sleep apnea and needs to get a sleep study done. I bet he is tired because he can't breathe at night. 

The look on the face of the girl next to him is priceless: a great combination of disdain and disgust. She needs to slow her row. This guy doesn't even know he has a problem I bet because he is fairly young (my guess is 30s or 40).

Wet

People ride the train when it's raining hard. I'm not talking about commuters, but instead an all-day $5 pass gets someone the equivalent of a mobile, dry, heated hotel-on-rails. 

The fact that it is packed is one thing, the smell is beyond amazing. Where are the insane perfume and cologne wearers now? Smells like intense urine and butt.

Like a portapotty exploded.

Yay Friday!!!

Rain

I'll admit it: I love the rain. I love how it sounds, how it smells, how it feels, how it keeps things so clean and green. I love the glossy shine on pavement and trees. I love the streaks in the street lamps, and the wispy dot patterns on windows.

Even in March when most people are in full-on S.A.D. Mode. 

The train is full of people on their phones. Everyone occupied with some digital domain just poking and swiping away. A quick glance shows me at least three of them are playing card games. This amuses me: years of development, millions worth of technology, and they are still playing paper-rectangle boardgames.

Same way I feel about using a computer to read a book: silly.

Edge

It's always awesome to see people not let age be a barrier when it comes to technology. There are two elderly ladies across the aisle for me, I'm going to say probably mid-80s, with tablets. 

One has an iPad mini, the other a newer Samsung Galaxy. They are sitting over there comparing speed, apps, and system specifications. It's pretty epic.

I hope I am still that together and nerdy when I am that age. 

Lady

Any transportation has this one particular woman. She is older, but her silver hair is dyed an unnatural shade of reddish brown. I know it's silver because she neglects her roots. She has a thick spackle of make up, and a dense amount of perfume.

This description just narrows the field, but  what makes her stand out is her need to talk constantly and tell you her life story. Usually this happens against your will.

Someone stop her!

Equal

I know I talk about this a lot, but it's somewhat bothersome to me. I do have some chivalry and respect in me. I wasn't raised without manners. And yes, I forget sometimes; I am human after all. 

This business where if you are a woman you get a seat and if you are a man you are socially obligated to relinquish it to a woman is horseshit. There are situations and protocols here. Being a young, fresh girl who has to stand while I sit is sometimes the way it goes. I owe you nothing.

Side note girls: super-tight show-everything yoga leggings, while fun to look at sometimes, aren't very classy in public. If they were pants they would be called pants. 

In short: 200 people can see your labia.

Secret

I secretly love the rain. Standing outside under the dry of an umbrella and watching, hearing and smelling it come down makes me instantly nostalgic. 

The whole inside of the train is fogged up with condensed exhales, and the older guy who just sat next to me almost elbowed me in the face while sitting down. Twice.

I told him, "watch it..." maybe a tad too sternly. He got real apologetic and stopped flailing so wildly.

Hands

Four trendy teenagers sitting across from each other in pairs, chatting with each other silently. They are using sign language. What strikes me about this more than ever is the sheer eye contact and interaction between them. They are invested and engaged. They aren't idly looking at a cell phone half-listening. They are intently looking at each other on a conversation. 

It's remarkable. Their "disability" has made them more respectful communicators than people their age will ever know. 

I hate to stare but am genuinely jealous of their dynamic.

Wash

Seems a few nice days and the general populace forgets how to drive and exist in the rain. 

Oh. My. God. What is this magic clear liquid from the sky?

Are you people goldfish? We just did this. 

Now... Where is my bagel! Grouse! Grouse!

Zero

Nothing is odd here.

Just some people commuting.

I want to be home.

Small

Once again I see it part like the Red Sea: woman gets on with her big SUV stroller, and people flee the disability area so she can park it on top of the wheelchair symbol on the floor. 

She is, after all, special, and has done something no other human has ever accomplished: have a baby. Let's all move aside for her.

I am going to lean against the window, close my eyes and nap for a half hour. I don't have the strength for any of this this morning.

Spice

The amount of cologne the guy standing next to me has on is debilitating. I can barely see and am having a borderline asthma attack. Can I call assault? This is a violent siege of my olfactory senses. Jesus .. For the love of.. 

This is it, this is how I die: suffocated at the hands of Old Spice. Please tell my loved ones I loved them.

My sister can have my iPhone and iPad. My dad can have my TV and computer. My mom gets anything her heart wants. My nephew gets my bed and car, and my niece gets my drums. 

To my girlfriend: she gets all my music, my shirts, my ice cream, my guitars and my camera. Tell them all....

Uugggghhhhhh.....

Speed

The train being late is one thing, being two minutes early and pulling up as I am parking my car forcing me to sprint to it is a dick move. 

I made it, but damn.

Odd mix of people on the train this morning. Lots of solemn faces and tired eyes. The lady next to me smells like flowers and anise. Huge amounts of both and my eyes are watering. Less is more, people. 

Happy Friday!!

Elbow

Packed train. An old lady with a cane was sitting next to me and had her smart phone out playing a Vegas slot game. Her arms were wide holding that phone sideways. She had jabbed my ribs several times. It hurt!

I brought my arm down to my side which dislodged her elbow from my side. She stopped playing her game and put her phone away. 

Good. You aren't special lady. Watch your surroundings.

Distract

I found a new app that I really like. It has distracted me for most of my train ride, but here are a few things:

Very old lady in the senior/disability section and she has loudly for the last few stops claimed her age and how she has earned sitting in that section. Finally I said, "we all believe you." She smiled and pulled out a book satisfied.

Very pretty girl in a ponytail who had spent most of the ride looking at me and smiling. It's flattering, but it was starting to creep me out a bit. When I turned to look, there was a handsome guy behind me. I'm going to assume they were looking at each other. 

I need breakfast.

Musty

It's a little wet outside, but the whole train smells like wet paper bags right now. It's kinda gross but a little not.

Right now I wish I could flip how I feel about my bed so that in the evening I want to go to bed so badly, and in the morning I would be like, "get me the hell out of here!!!"

Rage

The reason I like mornings is because there are not many angry or upset feelings anywhere at 6am.  It is very quiet, very slow, and very tranquil. There are many heads nodded forward on the train all very solemn, as if in prayer, making for quite the calming environment.

One side effect is that when anything loud or fast happens, it is amplified by the stark silence of the surroundings.

In this case, forty people just turned and looked at a man who sneezed. It was surreal. How dare he?

Balls

I love basketball. It's an exciting, fast-paced sport with lots of dynamics and strategy. But one thing I don't care for it a young basketball player dribbling the ball over and over on the train platform at 5:45 AM. The way it was echoing in the quiet morning made him sound like a rhythmless Jamaican drummer with rubber drums instead of steel.

There is a lady across from me on the train talking loudly about votes and bills. I don't know if she is part of a committee at work, or a state representative. Either way, she is struggling to sound important, but instead boring the hell out of the person she is riding with (who is distracted by something out the window..) I can hear her over my headphones though, and her droning tone is hypnotic.

Bags

Men as a whole have been moving into the same androgynous area women have thrived in for decades. Where women started wearing jeans, suits and tennis shoes, men's fashion hasn't changed much in a long time. You toss the right hat on one of these button-down, wingtip wearing guys and he looks straight out of the 1940s.

For a while, jeans and varieties of tshirts have been pretty normal fare across the spectrum of both men and women, but now the men are moving to the gray area.

The man in the pink Columbia jacket. The three guys with man-purses (murse?) and the guy in a pin stripe pencil skirt: all defying our agreed upon social costume prejudices.

That last one there? He is rocking it. Skinny kid with guy hips. But he looks comfortable.  I am a bit amazed and glad. It would be awesome to see a time when the style, not type, of clothing is what is even relevant.

Brown

When my eyes stay unfocused while riding the train, all I see is a blurry smear of color out my window. Today, since it is still winter, that smear is a light grey-brown one with hints of purple. 

The purple isn't really there, it is an illusion your brain must do in order to add life or happiness to any situation. Seeing the silver lining, as it were.

I'm looking out the window because the 11am train into town is almost empty. I would suggest it for commute time if you worked, say, a 12p-8p shift.

The topskin of concrete is still dark, having absorbed some rain. I cannot wait until my commute is a red or yellow variety, and ultimately a bright green one.

Bikes

Not one or two, but eight (8!!) bicycles on the train here. It's so irritating. I still maintain that a bike should have its own fare. It uses up space, annoys riders, and causes more wear and tear than any riders do. They should have to pay more.

Glad this isn't my usual commute time. I would go postal if I had to navigate this on a daily basis.

Get off my lawn!

Seats

I couldn't sleep for several reasons: one being my nose was a bit stuffy, but the main reason is my excitement over today's events. Wee!

As a result, I'm on an earlier train and it is almost completely empty with seats everywhere. Most people here look really tired. My reflection shows the same. I will nap at lunch and will be right as rain.

Hoping this day just flies by!!!

Moan

I don't know if it's daylight savings time, or the fact that it's Monday, but there is so very little going on here this morning. Lots of tired faces, red cheeks, and closed eyes. It's quiet and pretty calm.

I should have stayed home today, myself. I could use about five or six more hours of sleep.

Today is a week that will start lame and end fantastic! So I just need to hold on a few days and happiness will be mine!

Sun

It's sunny. It's warm. It's Friday. It's payday. And yet something is missing. Is it possible for someone to be in two places at once? I feel split. My heart is missing someone terribly. 

Not many people on this train. I popped onto a red line, which was uncharacteristic for the time of day.. But it swept me from downtown. I'll rest at sunset for a few moments for the next blue line. It got me away from spangers and weirdos. 

I could have waited, though, because the nice weather brought out about five musicians who were all pretty good. It's that time of year when I really start loving my city. 

You know, until October when I go back to just regular love.

Respect

I think simple manners are slipping away each year. Being loud on your cell phone on a public train, carrying very smelly food as well, wearing heavy amounts of perfume, not removing your bags from a seat next to you to allow others to sit down.... These are all massive dick moves, and they are happening with more frequency it seems than ever.

Be a good neighbor, people. Mind your contribution to your environment.

In other news, bible guy just got on the train, is standing across from me, and is wearing jeans so tight he has a pretty epic male cameltoe. Make it stop!! Aaaaagghhh!!

Happy Friday!

Geriatric

Interestingly enough I may be the youngest person on this particular train. Seems there are lots of wrinkles and gray air surrounding me. I'm sure I am wrong, but I feel exceptionally spry right now.

On to home tonight where I will play my guitar for a few hours, have a beer or three and watch a little television. My week is almost over and I'm a little closer to happiness. 

Size

I am irritable this morning. Just about everyone on this train is already on my nerves. It's like a greatest hits of obnoxious. And it's not my usual train. Why? Because mine showed up five minutes early today and was pulling away as I got to the platform. Thanks for making me late to work asshats!

This train has... Super large people taking up two seats: check. Loud valley girls talking loudly about nothing, one of which has a large purse which has hit me twice: check/check. Some guy just got on who seriously bathed in musky cologne: check. 

Need breakfast... I'll probably snap out of it.  If only I could get this old lady to stop staring at me. It's really creepy.

iCitizen

My end of the train looks like an iPhone users conference, or an introvert support group, where we are almost in a circle using our phones and being very quiet.

Subtle glances are being made around from time to time by people, but eye contact is being avoided as if we all were Medusa and one furtive gaze from becoming statues.

Judging from the up down and left rights of one user, I can assume a puzzle game. One girl just lazily swiping right to left, so likely an eBook (or the worst Angry Birds player ever), and I just thumbing away at the next great American novel here.

Odd

So it's Wednesday, but I feel time scale is off somehow. The Park & Ride lot was a bit more full than usual, and the train is nearly empty. It feels like it's an hour later. 

The only giveaway is that I recognize bible guy and a few others. So it must be the right time. Weird. I just feel out of phase today, like I am in an alternate universe. 

I may get coffee. Maybe caffeine will snap me back into reality.

Drama

Listening for about 10 minutes of this loud mouth girl go off to her girlfriend was almost too much. She is doling out advice to her how, due to her friends boyfriend's alcoholism, because he isn't paying rent and he needs to man up because he is jeopardizing the friends potential credit and rental history.

True! You nailed it. Shouting this on a quiet train makes you a helpful, but annoying-as-shit, friend.

I got up and walked to the other end of the train without saying a word where it is much quieter. Now the only oddity I see is the older woman in front of me reading what appears to be the Mexican equivalent of Cosmo. 

¡Diez secretos en el dormitorio que no quieren que usted sepa!*

*Ten secrets in the bedroom he doesn't want you to know!

Motor

Perhaps if you have a motorcycle, you don't need to take it on the train. It's bad enough when there are a lot of bicycles preventing people from standing, but this is a new level of silly. On top of all that, sitting down and resting your foot protectively on it just amplifies your douchiness. 

For the record, autocorrect tried to make "douchiness" change to "sour chives."

Also: it's bad enough if your headphones are turned up so loudly on you that everyone around can share in your poor choice of music, but that you insist on teeth-whistling along with the music makes you a Grade A Certified jackass.

Shuffle

It is a very busy train I got on, and one young guy gets up for the old Asian woman behind me, and she in turn offers me the seat, which I decline (initially) but she shoves me into it. Like... parks me.

Just then another you man gets up seeing this and offers her his seat which she accepts graciously. 

Immediately after that there was this cascade of kindness as young got up for old and men got up for women.

It was a chivalrous tidal wave of dozens of people standing up and sitting down.

Thanks first guy for initiating it, and thanks older lady for causing a scene by sitting my ass down. That was actually pretty damn cool to watch.

Hero

When I was a child, there was a toy that was popular was He-Man. This toy had a lot of interesting nuances to it which are curious. First, there was controversy that the toy existed first, and the cartoon second. Usually it was the other way around, but in this case the cartoon was essentially a giant commercial to sell the toys. 

Second, and this is not official, but it was an early depiction of homosexuality. It was veiled, but obviously there. 

Lastly, and the point of this whole post, is that there was a bad guy named Stinkor. His evil power was his nasty stench which could overpower a good guy. They accomplished this in toy-form by having a green fishlike guy with big ears and skunk stripes doused in patchouli oil. This smell lasted for years after purchase.

The old lady next to me has conjured all of these memories by virtue of dousing herself in the same oil. 

Friday

Look people, it's the end of the week and we are all stressed and tired, but would it be at all possible to treat each other with a tiny modicum of respect? We are all obviously going home to a better and more relaxed place. This should all make us collectively happier, right? Right?

So stop being a collective of entitled cock-gobblers, and sit down and shut up if can't treat your fellow rider appropriately. Okay?

And who the hell pissed themselves? Get that under control. It smells!

Dozen

Older lady in front of me has a Sony CD Walkman. I haven't seen one of those in a while. I wonder what disc she is listening to. Which 12 songs she chose to accompany her on the train. There is a nice simplicity to choosing your day's soundtrack. I have hundreds of songs at my fingertips, and thousands more on streaming, yet for her she committed to a disc and is going with it. Somehow I envy that. 

I had to move seats because these two old Mexican women are having a conversation. Judging from the tone of voice, it's a laid back talk involving nothing of consequence. The reason I moved is that they are having this casual chit-chat at like 120dB. Headphones at maximum, I couldn't drown them out.

And they haven't stopped talking the whole time I have been on the train. I don't even think she has taken a breath.

Jeez... Shut up.. It's early. Wish I had ear plugs on me.

Fluffy

This guy has one fluffy dog. It has an adorable little face and this huge poof of a body. I would be curious how small it looks when fully wet. 

The owner, however, is on an angry phone call saying over and over the words, "that's not true."

Like fifteen times in a row.

We entered the tunnel a while back and he is still talking. He had to been disconnected a while ago and doesn't know it. The person on the other end likely thinks he hung up on him. This should be interesting as we exit and they resume. 

Brief

The guy next to me has as much cologne on as an entire junior high school dance.

The lady across from me looks exactly like Cruella DeVille.

I currently am craving a warm summer morning, lying in a hammock and having a mug of coffee.

There are two women who just became friends because they are wearing similar hand-made quilted jackets.

"Gary Peters" just decided to take a conference call... 30 seconds before we enter the tunnel.  Gary is none too bright.

Is it Friday yet?

Drunk

There was a young girl falling-down drunk. Asks me 3 times at the platform if this one is headed the way she needs to go. I say three times that it is. She says thank you, sir.

Sir.

Then she sits down and falls asleep. Being nice, I woke her up when the train was arriving. She slurred another thank you and got on and passed out in a seat.

We entered the tunnel and a fare inspector got on. In the tunnel.  This other girl pulls out her phone to use the ticket app that TriMet provides, and of course since we are 160 feet underground there is no signal. She can't connect. At least he waited until we exited before demanding proof from her. 

Now there is an older lady who only has a one-word vocabulary at the other end of the train just saying every incarnation of the F-word known to man. It's mildly amusing but starting to get old.

Almost home. Wee!

Assume

When I was twelve I looked at high school students as so cool, and couldn't wait to get there. When I got to high school, I couldn't wait to be a senior and rule the school and drive a car.

When I was a senior it didn't mean much, I wanted to go to college, buy cigarettes and be an adult. They had all the fun. They partied and had no responsibility.

When I was 20, I looked up to people in their primes of thirties and forties who had houses and families and money. They had it all figured out with wisdom and knowledge.

Now I am nearing 40; next year in fact, and looking back, these milestones are absolutely nothing like I thought. None of them. Not even close. 

I look at people in their fifties and sixties and for the first time don't want to be there. I don't want to because my view of these older folks have always been wise, experienced and satisfied with their adventures in life. 

I have spent so much time waiting to get older, and it is terrifying to think of running out of time before I conquer the world. 

Unwieldy

Purse management is one of my pet peeves on public transit. I understand some ladies need to bring a carpetbag full of any situational accoutrement everywhere they go. It happens. There are guys like this who do so with a backpack. 

And let's be clear: if you are not a student, your backpack is a backpurse. 

I digress: if you deem it necessary to tote one of these monstrosities with you: be aware of where it is at all times when in close quarters. And for the love of god, no sudden movements like a pirouette. 

My matrix-like dodge to avoid being nailed in the eyeball by your hot pink, leather-studded satchel flail was deft but shouldn't be necessary.

Do it again, I might scissor your strap. And yes, I am super aware of what those things cost. 

Timing

I'm not sure how, but this morning has been timed pretty well. I woke up, hit snooze about six times, and was feeling crummy. A message from someone on my phone perked me right back up. 

Caught a shower, stayed in longer than normal just letting the hot water run on my lower back. 

On my way to the train station, I almost witnessed a guy in a crosswalk get smeared, and slowed down to make sure I wasn't needed (because it was a guy cutting me off that almost hit the pedestrian, so I would have offered witness.)

Once at the station, I walked up to the platform just as the train pulled up three minutes early at 6:18 instead of 6:21. 

Let's hope this luck continues. I could use a solid Monday. Lots of work on my plate this week.

Phone

Everyone has an electronic device. Portable entertainment. Adult babysitters. Anyone with one is quiet, sedate and unassuming on the train. Little microcosms of oblivious citizens not experiencing their world around them.

Very little can get these people to look up from their kindles, phones and laptops. I wonder how much one could get away with. I could start pole dancing and I doubt more than three people would even notice.

Granted I am not going to try. But hypothetically speaking. You know. 

It's Friday. Everyone gets a pass on their bad behavior. I just want a beer, and I want to put my feet up.

Age

Nearby is an aging punk rock guy. And I don't mean in his late 30's aging, but near-retirement. He has on black jeans, DC shoes, tattered hoodie with safety pins all over it, and a vest with band buttons stuck everywhere. And he is like early 60s. His knuckles are faded light green tattoos, but I can't make out what is written on them. It is either cool that he stuck with it, or sad that he lived through it without flaming out. 

It is somehow Friday, and I have no idea how I made it. I want this week done and in the books. 

Scents

Some days the train picks a random sense to assault and goes full-retard*.

There are days when terror grips my sight, and I am blinded by bad clothing decisions that are a cross between Safety and Carnival. 

Other days I have to hear terrible music, screaming babies, and/or mutterings from the mouths of undereducated idiots espousing opinions that are baseless and prejudice.

Today however is a full-frontal attack on my olfactory system. The whole car smells like a moldy camping tent freshly picked from a moist basement after six or sixty years. Bad perfume, worse breath, and I'm relatively certain the guy next to me just sharted. 

There is little escape. No earbuds or napping eyes to block this. I have my face in my shirt trying not to pass out. Just kill me now.

*You never go full-retard.

Wobble

This morning is just a day that makes you want to stay in bed. Cold, rainy, and I am so crabby that the sound of the lady nearby flipping through her newspaper makes me want to roll it up and swat her like a spider.

I simply want to be under my protective blankets listening to music, and away from people.

The guy sitting in front of me is talking so loudly on his cell phone I can hear him over my headphones. I could punch him hard in the back of the head and nobody would rat me out. He is being so rude, I would only get applause. It's tempting.

Shoes

With my head down on the train, I find myself looking at shoes. I'm noticing a great departure from people wearing just tennis shoes. Lots of dress shoes, boots, loafers and hiking shoes. It is much more diverse and pleasing.

The swaying of the train is gently rocking me to sleep here; clearly I am not getting enough sleep at night. It's primarily due to being deprived of a basic human need which is almost more important than food or shelter: cuddles.

You heard me. I now require these magical things in order to sleep soundly. It feels like a medical condition (I'll try to get it into the DSM-VI). 

I want ice cream. 

Thick

There seems to be a contingent of rather large people on the train today. Now, people come in all shapes and sizes, but typically there is a variety.  Today: nope. 

And I don't mean a 20-30lbs here, I mean like 375-500 wheezing, neck-like-a-pack-of-hotdogs, big. Like "go for the record" contestants. It's very odd. I'm mostly concerned for their health. 

It makes me want to actually exercise more myself. I do, after all, have another 37 lbs to lose. We shall see how quickly that comes off. Stress has a way of making someone slimmer.

Failing

There is a teacher with a terribly bleached mullet grading papers across from me. It's an exam and she has the scorecard on one knee and a stack on the other. She is using a red pen to grade them. It looks like a crime scene on the pages.

Years ago, I had an amazing English instructor, Mr. Staley. He refused to use red pen for just that reason. He said it felt like he was scratching the papers while grading them, and causing our hard work to bleed. He used purple and green mainly to be more gentle with his corrections.

I suppose it's good no aliens ever took his creative writing classes. They might be mortified.

Grind

Today on the train is "Look quizzically at your phone day," as though we are all in a spy movie, and everyone's phone just gave them instructions to strangle the person to their left.

Post-vacation depression is a real thing, not treatable with medication: I just need left alone to my 300 or so emails. Let me readjust to this sterile existence and try not to make eye contact with me. No sudden movements. No loud noises. 

Time

Trying to recall the last time I took measurable time off work and am struggling. You know you work to much when you can't remember vacation. And right now I am not even talking about two weeks here, or a month there, I am looking solidly and willfully at a week. 

No alarms. No commute. No clients. No management. No meetings. Just peace and quiet next week.

I really should do it more often. Spending days off here and there as "mental health" days is great, but a block of contiguous time can grant perspective. It allows someone to focus on things that may not have been given a proper share of time.

Crotch

Busy train. This isn't unusual, but having a guy shove his crotch in my face is a bit extreme. Manners people.

This week needs to accelerate a little. That would be fantastic. 

Eep! New stop. More people. Too crowded to keep typing.

Sleep

We all need it, but your bag doesn't. Sorry I had to wake you up to move it.

Oh wait,

No I'm not.

Learn etiquette you troll.

Dinner

Lots of cold people on the train tonight. And it's quiet... Very quiet. So much so that we are all hearing the most inane and wandering conversation ever. I'm getting snippets that sound like him eating tomatoes or lame hamburgers while catching up on TV at a friends house. And he is taken aback at how the friend wouldn't let him stay longer to watch TV. All sorts of sad. Poor guy seems to overstay his welcome. 

To out do him, another guy has sparked up a rather loud conversation of his own, only in a foreign language, on his phone. It sounds Arabic, but I cannot be certain. The cadence sounds right for it. 

I am just leaning into the heater getting as warm as possible. I need sleep.

Shiver

I missed my regular train today because I had to spend more time today scraping ice off my car and warming it up. I'm not too concerned as it doesn't delay me a whole lot.

This train though is much busier than my usual one. Pretty surprising at 630am that it would be already pretty busy. Though much of this will exhaust out halfway there at the main transit center, so I am not that concerned about this guy standing next to me giving me face-ass.

This week is sorta clunking along so far. Like the day's batteries are low and that  second-hand looks pensive and hesitant as it whirls around the clock.*

*to any youngins reading, a clock is a gear-driven mechanical apparatus that indicates time based on which degree on a circle an indicator, or hand, is being pointed. 30 degrees per hour, 6 degrees per minute.

Room

Dude look. You have broad shoulders and so do I. You have had them for a long time - longer than me considering you are in your 50s. My point is: learn how to wield them. Guys like us sit at an angle, or lean forward a bit. We do this because the person next to us ultimately doesn't need checked like a hockey player into the window.

Accidents happen and, as a result, protocol dictates we apologize. 

You did not. 

So me puffing up and checking you in return was my equal way of saying, "it's all good, bro." 

Your dirty look means nothing. Bring it.

Found

There are moments now and then where I pause throughout the day. They aren't planned and, more often than not, are a surprise to me. They can strike while I am at work, at home, or on the train. That last place there: that is where I am now and where I was just caught with one.

I am thankful and grateful for my life as it is right now. It's not perfect. But I realize it doesn't have to be. I have worked hard and struggled to be self-sufficient and make a life for myself. Mission accomplished. There is no end-game. There is no demarcation of success. My personal victories have been worth celebrating throughout my life. I am a composite of good and bad. Pretty and ugly. Lucky and unlucky. But I am glad life isn't "fair." Because if I had as much bad happen to me as good, I would be much worse off.

Wait

Sometimes it's the wait that kills you. It doesn't matter what you are waiting for, be at a train station, a doctors office or in line waiting for a sandwich. There are so few actual activities we get to do in life. Most of our time is spent planning for a thing, preparing for a thing, and learning from it afterwards. It's like the divers in the summer Olympics who spend years and years in order to perform a two-second controlled fall into water. 

They spend their whole lives sacrificing, and exercising, and eating right and practicing for hours and hours to learn how to fall just right. All for those two seconds. Afterwards, if done right they will talk about those two seconds for years to come. It is like having huge book ends for only one book on the shelf. It makes no sense.

Different

The later 6:00PM train seems as busy as the regular rush hour trains. Shoulder to shoulder and hip to hip, the slow rock of the train makes everyone wobble-dance in unison. 

The guy to my left is reading political feeds on the New York Times. It's amazing what people find interesting, but more power to him. He looks kind of boring, but I bet he tears off that tan trench coat when he gets home and rocks out to Gloria Gaynor. (At least that is the home life I have given him.)

I need a brightly colored coat I think. Red or blue wool. Everyone around me is gray and black. We look like carbon copies of each other and we are all blending together. One large, swaying group of black-coated funeral partiers.

Repeat

It is worse than any Déjà Vu feeling I have ever had. That feeling is a slightly unsettling, yet whimsical, feeling that I am simply repeating the same thing. What I am feeling instead is a more disturbing sensation that most of my days are exactly the same even though they are different.

There is a struggle to pull myself out of bed at 5:27am after my snooze button goes off for the third time. Even my commute doesn't differ much. Lately it feels like the same cast of characters who sit in the same place, like it's an elementary school cafeteria and this is a "my spot" situation. 

You have bible guy, the tired mom with her ten-dollars-at-Goodwill baby stroller, the preppy couple who giggles the whole ride, the large girl who smashes herself against the glass and spends about 37 minutes of her commute apologizing to anyone who sits next to her for not leaving them much room. There is loud snoring guy over there. Clown makeup girl is nearby. 

I think I have seen these people enough times that we should probably introduce ourselves. Interesting website idea: Social Commute. Sign in when you ride and get to know people. Because why not?

Mass texting

Me and like seven people around me as furiously texting. It's like we are reporters sending in breaking news.  Only the news isn't relevant to anyone: 

"Girl Pairs Boots with Hideous Purse."

"Two Indian men meet and struggle to pronounce each other's names." (Seriously.. )

"Manly blue collar guy is reading 'Hunger Games.'"

It is one stop away from mine and the train just flushed half of its humans onto the platform. It's a large Park & Ride, so it makes sense.

Now I am texting alone.  I mean: 

"Lonely man finds friendship in technology."

Wrong

I'm sure you wanted the whole train to hear your wife reminding you to get bread on the way home. This is a pride point up there with getting a new home or a job. But none of us around you care. There is this speaker thing on the top-front of your phone, you see, that when held against your ear, makes your conversation private and intimate.

Talking to your phone a foot from your face, then holding it up on speakerphone near the side of your head is what we in the industry call, "Misuse of Technology," aka: you're doing it wrong.

Otherwise the guy across from me is almost done with the bible. 

I wonder what he will do afterwards. Will he start over? Start putting his teachings to use? Does he know there is no sequel? It's been like 400 years since that version (KJ) was updated, perhaps it's time for a solid bible Part 3. Our society loves trilogies. So we could have the old, the new, and the future testaments. 

The future testament could be a dystopian take on a society where religion is misunderstood, abused, and leaned on to oppress and condemn people who are not the same. It chronicles the time when a deity, or god, infuses himself across the people and we, now all gods ourself, believe in nothing but our own self-righteousness and ideals. We smite those who say otherwise. We praise what we like. We doom what we don't like, like a child banishing his vegetables to a trash can hell regardless of how healthy they might be.

Maybe we are all still ghostwriting this third testament now. Judging and dooming and being too holy to help. 

This book won't be released unfortunately; the pious don't chronicle.

Orgy

So many people on the 4:45 train out of downtown today that we are all much closer friends now.  It's just all grabass and grinding on the MAX for certain.

In other news I will require a shower upon arriving at home. I loathe crowds. I don't get anxious so much as stabby. Without my music in my ears and this blog, I would probably be really upset right now. Thank goodness got the calming influence of Alcest: Zen. Dreamy. Ahh.

Forget two feet of space, it's barely two inches right now. The culprit? Train ahead of us had unruly passengers and held up that train for about 20 minutes this throwing everything off. We all want to thank them personally. 

Rank

There are certain levels of entitlement I see daily. Most of it comes from young women, old women, business men, mothers, fathers, and college students.

One group that rarely, if ever, seems to get up in arms while riding are old guys. They often times give up their seat, or stay seated, sometimes snoring away leaning against a window (or in one case leaning against another person.) but they are furniture on the train.

One of the worst offenders, however, are the power-business women in their late 40s or early 50s. Usually in a pantsuit carrying two bags (purse and laptop) they need extra space. The one lady this morning told a five year old to pipe down from talking because she had to take a call, then asked me f I could let her sit down so she could work on her tablet. 

My reply, "Pipe down, I'm trying to write here."

Control

If you decide to bring a bag with you onto the train, please try to pick one that you are able to wield ablely without smashing into your fellow riders. 

The first time you hit me in the face with that nylon zippered collection of text books, I smarted and nudged it away from me.

The second time I added an, "excuse me."

The third time my maneuvering of you a foot away from me with a push was my way of keeping you able to chew solid food. 

A fourth time, if it happened, it would be a party on board this train with rainbow arcs of paper, pens, and your screams of, "what are you doing to my backpack crazy man?!"

I would just give you a toothy grin and say, "Justice!"

Studying

The woman sitting across from me has 3x5 notecards with tons of medical terms on them. The stack of cards is easily an inch or so thick. It brings me back to my high school years helping my mom study for her nursing classes with flash cards just like that.

The guy in a hoodie next to her seems interested and has been leering over her shoulder for a long time. I keep expecting him to slip and say, "oh that's a hard one," and make her jump.

So many people are on this train so early. It's insane to think of how many people are up and around so early like I have to be. I am so not a morning person. Not even a little. I am so much more of a night owl and miss it sometimes.

Disability

Apparently having children is the new disability. These two young moms probably in their early 20s are not seniors, therefore I can only think they are disabled. That is why those seats are there.

So that's fantastic.

Now if could just get the weather to cooperate and stop being so chilly in the mornings. My hands shouldn't be all pink and numb at six in the morning. I'm fragile, damn it.

Wee! Oh and.. Happy New Year, redux.

Rude

There is and ugly fucker behind me reading over my shoulder. My guess is that there isn't nearly enough excitement in his own life, and he needs to eavesdrop like a voyuer on others to live vicariously. It's pretty sad really. 

I am listening to a younger guy give a long stream of commentary regarding the state of technology to this very bored-looking older lady. He is forcing drivel opinion into her ear. The look on her face is one of, "please let my stop be next!"

Stories

I look at the faces of people I ride with sometimes and am curious about their stories. Happiness, sadness, love, loss.. all of these feelings and more are etched and burned into the canvas of their heads, mostly in the eyes.

There is a guy in a green trench coat and khaki pants who looks extremely dispondent and lost. He barely looks up, and the one time I noticed him do so, there was a depth to his expression that I felt like a heavy weight on my chest. I wonder who or what went wrong in his life to look so pained. I can't tell him that it gets better, because sometimes it just doesn't.

There is a girl who looks tired. The bags under her young eyes and slope to her shoulders makes me wonder if she is a young mother. She has a backpack, so my guess is that she is also a student, but those creases don't come from studying alone. No, those are earned from sleepless nights and late feedings. Makes me want to tell her to stop worrying about being something important someday, that she already is: a mom.

It is quite a scene right now. But this is all merely interpretation, And I am listening to a rather bummer of a playlist on my phone. Perhaps the soundtrack is bleeding into them.

Preach

Is there some mass return to religion of which I am unaware? No fewer than five (5!) open bibles in spitting distance here. And yes, that is the unit of distance I chose. Maybe it's this new pope who has inspired a return, maybe we can all blame Miley Cyrus for getting us to a magic hedonistic threshold that had people say, "Enough is enough! Too much vagina on television! Where is my bible!"

Well it is Friday. And the train is sparsely populated. I can't wait for Monday: first full week of the year, first day of school for many, and staff back to full strength after 2-3 weeks of miscellaneous skeleton crews. Today I hope goes quickly.

Many

I wonder what it would be like in a world where media did not exist. Music had to be enjoyed live, stories had to be told by one person to the next, and news traveled by word of mouth alone.

There would be many draw backs, but I would love to see humans interacting with one another. Instead I am on a train with hundreds of people reading, listening to music, and using their mobile devices. I am surrounded by so many, yet very much alone out in society.

Strange how all of these things meant to bring us together separate us so much.

First

Morning today includes a lot of people on this train that are very much at the tail end of many days of holiday cheer. It's as though they collectively forgot what 6AM looked like. Cheeks are flushed, hair is shower-matted, and expressions are blank canvases. 

I have collectively decided that 2014 will be amazing for everyone. I will try to make is so for anyone I meet. Ultimately we are the person we decide to be. It's not even fake it until you make it, it's about deciding to be, in your head, the person you want to be. 

People who act moody, depressed and sullen attract attention from family and friends, but it's the same a parent gives a screaming baby: they do whatever they can just to calm the noise! 

Be happy, people. Life isn't a dress rehearsal. None of us get out of it alive either...set it on fire!